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    • Join Date: Dec 2008
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    Smile How to console others?

    Hello~ How to say when someone has bad situation such as husband passed away or having car accident. How to console others?

    A: I donít know what to say. Sorry to hear that your husband passed away.


    A: Sorry to hear that you have car accident. Letís just think it could have been worse.

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
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    Re: How to console others?

    It will depend on your relationship with the person how personal you make this message.

    I would advise NOT saying how it could have been worse. That minimizes what the person is experiencing.

    "I'm so sorry to hear that" is an appropriate response to most types of bad news.

    "I'm so very sorry for your loss" is an appropriate response to news of a death.

    "I wish you a speedy recovery" is appropriate when responding to news of injury or illness.

    Recently, a colleague had an adoption fall through. I said honestly to her "I wish I could think of something to say to make you feel better. All I can say is I cried for you when I heard and I'm so, so sorry, and I'm here if you need to talk about it." Sometimes, you can't console, but you can show you care.

    • Join Date: Dec 2008
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    Re: How to console others?

    Dear Barb_D

    Many thanks for your kind explanation. It was big help

    • Join Date: Nov 2008
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    Re: How to console others?

    I always felt uncomfortable in those type of situations because I never really knew what a person really wanted from me in such an event. I could never gauge how big of an impact such an event was made on there lives, therefor taking an action would be arrived at by means of guessing or taking the situation too lightly or heavily could offend them, or make matters worse for them.

    A brother would know his brother well enough to accurately gauge his condition. Perhaps even best friends could tell.

    The only thing that I can establish is that they have encountered a situation that they do not know how to deal with. For me its not enough information to get to deeply involved unless additional signs are given, such as the person taking the problem to you directly.

    Know this
    Alleviating grief might be a job for someone who's closer then you are, and your job would be the fall-back guy so to speak. The fall-back guy would be the guy who doesn't help them move on, but lets them move on with normal activities. If that makes any sense at all.

    I think a list of things not to do might be a better approach to know what to do.

    If you don't hear it from the victims mouth on your next meeting, it probably means he's not interested in talking about it at that moment. The only thing he may want is a simple game of StarCraft with his good friend to relax from it a while.

    • Join Date: Dec 2008
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    Re: How to console others?

    Thanks a lot for your great advice.

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