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    #1

    asking for advice

    i need your help to review my writing
    Last edited by sio; 26-Dec-2008 at 12:56.

  1. whitemoon's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: asking for advice

    A cat I bought
    I have a cat. (simple present)
    I bought it yesterday. (simple past )
    I will sell it tomorrow. (simple future)
    Now she is playing a ball. (present continuous)
    She has already eaten her breakfast. (present perfect)
    While we were playing yesterday, the cat scratched my hand. (past continuous)
    After it had scratched my hand, I hated it. (past perfect)
    Etc.
    Your English and you idea are very important.

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: asking for advice

    sir, i understand about those tenses. what i asked was about type of an essay is suitable so it contains all tenses. i am stuck with ideas.

  2. whitemoon's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: asking for advice

    Narrative essay is suitable for you. But it is very difficult to write an essay which contains all tenses.

    • Member Info
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    #5

    Re: asking for advice

    i agree. give me some ideas to apply. it should be a story related to personal experience, e.g. education then continued with career/goal?

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: asking for advice

    Note:
    We play with a ball. (Or with a toy, or with our friends, etc.)
    I'm sorry the cat scratched your hand. I'm sure she didn't mean to.

    • Member Info
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    #7

    Re: asking for advice

    please review my writing

  4. RonBee's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: asking for advice

    Quote Originally Posted by sio View Post
    I have a lovely one-year cat, Fancy. She has white, brown, and grey thick fur covering her body with black eyes that changed to light blue in the evening.
    I have a lovely one-year-old cat, Fancy. She is white, brown and gray with black eyes that change to light blue in the evening.
    You don't need to mention that she has fur.

    Quote Originally Posted by sio View Post
    Last month, on November 30 exactly, she gave birth two cute kitties; they make my house more lively and noiser.
    Last month, on November 30 exactly, she gave birth to two cute kittens. They make my house livelier and noiser.
    Note the parallelism of livelier and noisier.

    Quote Originally Posted by sio View Post
    One day while Fancy was feeding their children, I saw my dog, Pabble which was sitting opposite her, standing up and running towards her.
    One day while Fancy was feeding her kittens I saw my dog Pabble, which had been sitting opposite her, stand and run towards her.

  5. RonBee's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: asking for advice

    Quote Originally Posted by sio View Post
    I had tried to safe her carefully; however, she suddenly scratched my hand. I was sure she did not mean it. I wished she would not have been angry at me. Blood run heavily.
    Perhaps:
    I acted impulsively. In my attempt to get her out of harm's way, I grabbed her. She scratched me. I was surprised at how much blood flowed out of the cut on my arm.

  6. RonBee's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: asking for advice

    Quote Originally Posted by sio View Post
    Sir,

    First of all, I'd like to thank you for your effort and help. It is really a great help for me. Fyi, I am new member here.

    Second, may I clarify the sentence below:

    ..... while Fancy was feeding her kittens I saw my dog Pabble, which had been sitting opposite her, stands and runs towards her.
    Take out the phrase "which had been sitting opposite her" (which isn't necessary) and you have:
    I saw my dog Pabble stands and runs.
    That is a good English sentence?

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