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    #1

    Please do me a BIG favour!

    Hi, everyone. This is something very urgent. I would like to you help me with the following sentences. I am told that there is something wrong with each of the sentences. I have placed my revisions and reasoning right after the original sentences and have had the changes underlined and highlighted for your reading convenience. Please comment on my corrections. I come here for better solutions. Thanks for your help!

    1.During the class, teacher should pay attention to every student.
    My revision: During the class, the teacher/a teacher/ teachers should pay attention to every student.

    I think "the teacher", "a teacher" and "teachers" are all correct for this situation to be generic.

    2.In the beginning of 2004,the Bird Flu was very common, but the Chinese people were confident in controlling such kind of disease after the experience of SARS in 2003.
    My Revision: At the beginning of 2004,the Bird Flu was very common, but the Chinese people were confident in controlling such a kind of disease after the experience of SARS in 2003.

    3.The young farmers coming to the city to work are often discriminated and encounter many unexpected difficulties.
    My Revision: The young farmers coming to the city to work are often discriminated against and faced with many unexpected difficulties.

    4.China’s economy has been booming for the last few decades. It has given much confidence to the overseas investors. This has even attracted US and UK universities that would like to enroll more self-paying students from China.
    My Revision: China’s economy has been booming for the last few decades. This has given much confidence to the overseas investors and has even attracted US and UK universities that would like to enroll more self-paying students from China.

    I don't know whether "that" can also be used to refer back to "China's economy having been booming for the last few decades".
    Also, I combined the second and third sentences in the original version, as you can easily notice.

    5.I find the new class too demanding because each time, the professor gives us vast amount of information.
    My Revision: I find the new class too demanding because the professor gives us a vast amount of information each time.
    Question: Can "each other" be placed right after "because"?

    6.A business enterprise should honor its words and keep its promise, otherwise , no one would trust it or have anything to do with it.
    My Revision: A business enterprise should honor its words; otherwise, no one would trust it or do business with it.

    I think "honour its words" and "keep its promise" are repetitious, so I kept one of them in the revision. And I changed the comma before "otherwise" to the semicolon.

    7. Because the city government is going to build a subway line across the city and according to the plan, my neighborhood today will become a station, so we and many other families have to move.
    My Revision: Because the city government is going to build a subway line across the city and according to the plan, my neighborhood today will become a station, we and many other families have to move.
    OR
    The city government is going to build a subway line across the city and according to the plan, my neighborhood today will become a station, so we and many other families have to move.

    Question: Do I need to add "will" between "mnay other families" and "have to move"?

    8.Old tradition dies hard. Until now women are sometimes still discriminated.
    My Revision: Old tradition dies hard. Even today, women are sometimes still discriminated against.

    9.In “the cat Cinderella,” Zezolla chooses her own stepmother, unlike the Cinderella in other versions of the story who passively accept the stepmother.
    My Revision: In “The Cat Cinderella,” Zezolla chooses her own stepmother, unlike the Cinderella in other versions of the story who passively accepts the stepmother.
    Question: Do I need to set off "the story" and "who passively accepts the stepmother" to make the relative clause unrestrictive?

    10.Correcting errors in writing always gives me a big headache.
    I don't think there is anything wrong with this sentence.

    11… Take my sister for an example: she is a junior high school student and each evening she must sit at the desk from seven to eleven. It is not enough: in daytime she almost always sits reading, writing, or listening to teachers. … It is the heavy homework that deprives their happiness and enjoyment of their childhood. It is very different from the original aim of their teachers and parents.
    My Revision: Take my sister for example. She is a junior high school student and each evening she must sit at the desk from seven to eleven. That is not enough: in daytime she almost always sits reading, writing, or listening to teachers. … It is the heavy homework that deprives the students of their happiness and enjoyment of their childhood. That is very different from the original aim of their teachers and parents.

    I beg you to do me this big favour! THANKS!
    Richard
    Last edited by ohmyrichard; 04-Jan-2009 at 10:13.

  1. Soup's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please do me a BIG favour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Richard
    I think "the teacher", "a teacher" and "teachers" are all correct for this situation to be generic.
    If that were the case then 'the class' would also have to be generic.

    2. Your correction is fine, but the phrase 'such a kind of disease' is awkward in that context.

    3. Your corrections are both fine; 'encounter' is also fine.

    4. China's economy having been booming for the last few decades ...


    5. 'amounts'. Good.

    Note, each other for two, one another for more than two.

    6. ... word and promises ... / ... , otherwise no one ...


    7. ..., and in accordance with ...


    8. Today ...

    9. Good.

    10. Correcting written errors ...

    11. She is a junior high school student and each evening she sits at her desk from seven until eleven. Then, in the daytime, she sits at her desk reading, writing or listening to her teachers. The heavy homework load deprives students of their childhood, which is very different from the original aim of their teachers and parents.


    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: Please do me a BIG favour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Soup View Post
    If that were the case then 'the class' would also have to be generic.

    2. Your correction is fine, but the phrase 'such a kind of disease' is awkward in that context.

    3. Your corrections are both fine; 'encounter' is also fine.

    4. China's economy having been booming for the last few decades ...


    5. 'amounts'. Good.

    Note, each other for two, one another for more than two.

    6. ... word and promises ... / ... , otherwise no one ...


    7. ..., and in accordance with ...


    8. Today ...

    9. Good.

    10. Correcting written errors ...

    11. She is a junior high school student and each evening she sits at her desk from seven until eleven. Then, in the daytime, she sits at her desk reading, writing or listening to her teachers. The heavy homework load deprives students of their childhood, which is very different from the original aim of their teachers and parents.
    Thank you, Soup. My student is going to take the postgraduate test of Nanjing University this weekend. When she was completing sentence improvement items in the past test papers, she found these 11 sentences quite difficult to deal with. She asked me about them and I tried my best to revise them. I got them posted in this forum in order to make sure. After I posted them, I went back to my home village in Nantong for the first anniversity of my father's passing.
    I would appreciate it if you would answer these follow-up questions:
    1. In what sense is "such a kind of disease" awkward in that context? Do you mean that we have to say "this kind of disease" instead all the time?
    2. Do you mean that "give vast amounts of information" is the only correct version? We can't say "give a vast amount of information", can we?
    3. Do we need to retain "promises" and say "honour its word and promises"? Why not simply "honour its word"?
    Thanks for your great help!
    Wishing you a happy and prosperous year ahead!
    Richard
    Last edited by ohmyrichard; 08-Jan-2009 at 11:08.

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