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    #1

    Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    THIS IS MY ARTICLE:
    This article deals with the abuses on African children. Dozens of kids are tortured and abused in Britain every year and it is really disgusting to know that most of them are usually beaten, abused and hit by their own families and “friends”. And the worst thing is that more and more often it is hard to detect and to investigate to find the guilty out. Scotland Yard identified 31 cases of abuses on kids in the latest five years in London alone. Although the police have worked and are keeping on doing it with social services, schools, churches and community leaders in order to identify and tackle the abuses, they are still registering new cases of violence.
    Lately a little girl from Angola, has received more than 40 injuries, including being cut with a knife, beaten with a belt and a shoe, and having chilli peppers rubbed into her eyes by people who were members of a church in East London, a faith practicing a mixture of evangelical Christianity and traditional African spiritual beliefs, in an attempt to rid her of the devil. It is very difficult to unmask and to find out this kind of crime because they usually take place in people’s houses. In another case, a ten years old boy was subjected to abuse for a year, being burnt with matches, lighters, irons and scalding water by his own parents that were sure he were possessed. But this is just one of the several cases the police has to register every year and not only in England but all over the world.
    Most of these beaten and tortured kids generally come from Africa (Nigeria and Congo above all): between 1993 and 2003, 1,13 million people were allowed to enter Britain from Africa and the main part of them were children.
    Of course, police’s work is not watch over churches, school or whatever else, but their work is to work with people, with community and to identify the scale of the violence and abuses in order to tackle it then.

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    #2

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    Please, could someone correct my article?

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    #3

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    Please, can a teacher correct my article? It's urgent!


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    #4

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    This article deals with the abuses on African children.

    This article is devoted to unveiling the abuses of African children.



    Dozens Lots of kids are tortured and abused in Britain every year and it is really disgusting shocking to know that most of them are usually beaten, abused and hit (regularly) by their own family and “friends” close associates.

    HAve you any first-hand experience of this?

    And the worst thing is that more and more often it is hard to detect and to investigate to find the guilty out.

    More disappointing is the fact that more often than not these cases go unreported. Even in the minority of cases under police investigation, it is verging on the impossible to produce evidence of any involvement in a crime of such nature.

    Scotland Yard identified 31 cases of abuses on kids in the latest last five years in London alone. Although the police have worked and are keeping on doing it with social services, schools, churches and community leaders in order to identify and tackle the abuses, they are still registering new cases of violence.


    The police are bending over backwards in tandem with the social services to keep child-abuse statistics at a low level, in vain.


    Lately a little girl from Angola, has received more than 40 injuries, including being cut with a knife, beaten with a belt and a shoe, and having chilli peppers rubbed into her eyes by people who were members of a church in East London, a faith practicing a mixture of evangelical Christianity and traditional African spiritual beliefs, in an attempt to rid her of the devil.

    A little girl from Angola sustained serious multiple injuries in a brutal attack recently, in which she was stubbed, whipped by a belt, and she had chilly smeared over her eyes by members of a religious cult, in an attempt to exorcise the demon from her body.


    It is very difficult to unmask and to find out this kind of crime because they usually take place in people’s houses.

    The chances of the villains being caught red-handed are slim, as they carry out their acts of physical assault in their own homes.


    In another case, a ten-years old boy was subjected to constant abuse torture for (a) one year. being He was burnt with matches, lighters, irons and scalding hot water by his own parents, that who were sure he were of their son being possessed.

    But this is just one of the several cases the police has to register every year, and not only in England but all over the world.
    Most of these beaten and tortured kids generally come from Africa (mostly from Nigeria and Congo above all): between 1993 and 2003, 1,13 million African people were allowed to enter Britain, from Africa and the main greater part of them were children.
    Of course, police’s work is not watch over churches, school or whatever else, but their work is to work with people, with community and to identify the scale of the violence and abuses in order to tackle it then them effectively.

    Obviously, it is not reasonable to expect the police to keep churches under constant surveillance...

    Have you seen it, Dilodi?
    https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/e...tml#post422349
    Last edited by svartnik; 14-Jan-2009 at 14:07.

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    #5

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    Quote Originally Posted by svartnik View Post
    This article deals with the abuses on African children.

    This article is devoted to unveiling the abuses of African children.



    Dozens Lots of kids are tortured and abused in Britain every year and it is really disgusting shocking to know that most of them are usually beaten, abused and hit (regularly) by their own family and “friends” close associates.

    HAve you any first-hand experience of this?

    And the worst thing is that more and more often it is hard to detect and to investigate to find the guilty out.

    More disappointing is the fact that more often than not these cases go unreported. Even in the minority of cases under police investigation, it is verging on the impossible to produce evidence of any involvement in a crime of such nature.

    Scotland Yard identified 31 cases of abuses on kids in the latest last five years in London alone. Although the police have worked and are keeping on doing it with social services, schools, churches and community leaders in order to identify and tackle the abuses, they are still registering new cases of violence.


    The police are bending over backwards in tandem with the social services to keep child-abuse statistics at a low level, in vain.


    Lately a little girl from Angola, has received more than 40 injuries, including being cut with a knife, beaten with a belt and a shoe, and having chilli peppers rubbed into her eyes by people who were members of a church in East London, a faith practicing a mixture of evangelical Christianity and traditional African spiritual beliefs, in an attempt to rid her of the devil.

    A little girl from Angola sustained serious multiple injuries in a brutal attack recently, in which she was stubbed, whipped by a belt, and she had chilly smeared over her eyes by members of a religious cult, in an attempt to exorcise the demon from her body.


    It is very difficult to unmask and to find out this kind of crime because they usually take place in people’s houses.

    The chances of the villains being caught red-handed are slim, as they carry out their acts of physical assault in their own homes.


    In another case, a ten-years old boy was subjected to constant abuse torture for (a) one year. being He was burnt with matches, lighters, irons and scalding hot water by his own parents, that who were sure he were of their son being possessed.

    But this is just one of the several cases the police has to register every year, and not only in England but all over the world.
    Most of these beaten and tortured kids generally come from Africa (mostly from Nigeria and Congo above all): between 1993 and 2003, 1,13 million African people were allowed to enter Britain, from Africa and the main greater part of them were children.
    Of course, police’s work is not watch over churches, school or whatever else, but their work is to work with people, with community and to identify the scale of the violence and abuses in order to tackle it then them effectively.

    Obviously, it is not reasonable to expect the police to keep churches under constant surveillance...

    Have you seen it, Dilodi?
    https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/e...tml#post422349
    Thank you very much for you help. You have been the only one who helped me with these articles I had to write for an exam. I thank you very much.


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    #6

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    Click image for larger version. 

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    #7

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    I am not a teacher

    A little girl from Angola sustained serious multiple injuries in a brutal attack recently, in which she was stubbed, whipped by a belt, and she had chilly smeared over her eyes by members of a religious cult, in an attempt to exorcise the demon from her body.

    Stubbed is incorrect, it should be stabbed
    chilly, means cold, chili is a dish with meat and beans, I think what you mean possibly is cayenne pepper or hot pepper powder.

    but their work is to work with people, with community
    It would be better to say, their job is to work with people.

    I also feel that in the whole essay, it would be more effective to refer to the children as children, not kids.

    I would also start by saying many children, instead of lots of children.
    Last edited by Searching for language; 14-Jan-2009 at 16:16. Reason: additional information


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    #8

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    Quote Originally Posted by Searching for language View Post
    I am not a teacher

    A little girl from Angola sustained serious multiple injuries in a brutal attack recently, in which she was stubbed, whipped by a belt, and she had chilly smeared over her eyes by members of a religious cult, in an attempt to exorcise the demon from her body.

    Stubbed is incorrect, it should be stabbed


    BTW, I am not a teacher either. I started learning English in 2003 and have never been taught in a class by a teacher.

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    #9

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    Wow, if you only started to study in 2003, you are very, very good at it! I read at the top of my htreads that I am allowed to post on this forum, but must inform that I am not a teacher, so that's what I do.

    I started to learn English in 1955 when my family came to Canada from Germany. So, I have been at it for a while.

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    #10

    Re: Could you correct this article for any errors, please?

    OOOPs, double post. Sorry.

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