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    #1

    some police personnel / on the right track

    Opposition leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim claimed that some police personnel committing abuse and torturing suspects and these were covered up by top officials in the force.

    Are the words in bold correctly used? I don't think so because 'personnel' means 'staff', which refers to the whole group, and 'these' doesn't seem to fit in the sentence?

    Many thanks.
    Last edited by Tan Elaine; 26-Jan-2009 at 18:39.

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    #2

    Re: some police personnel / on the right track

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    Opposition leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim claimed that some police personnel committing abuse and torturing suspects and these were covered up by top officials in the force.

    Are the words in bold correctly used? I don't think so because 'personnel' means 'staff', which refers to the whole group, and 'these' doesn't seem to fit in the sentence?

    Many thanks.
    "Some police personnel" is not wrong, but is a bit wordy. "Police officers"?

    "These" is poor. Police personnel were covered up? No, abuse and torture, most likely.

    The passive voice is not very good: "officials covered up".

    In the end, "some police personnel" hangs without a verb.

    Opposition leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim claimed that some police officers assaulted and tortured their suspects, and top officials in the force covered up the abuse.

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    #3

    Re: some police personnel / on the right track

    Many thanks, Abaka, for your crystal-clear explanation.

    Your sentence clearly illustrates that the sentence I quoted is poorly written.

    Have I used the word 'illustrates' correctly? Or should it be another word?

    If my question should be posted on another thread, please let me know.

    Thanks again.

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    #4

    Re: some police personnel / on the right track

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    Many thanks, Abaka, for your crystal-clear explanation.

    Your sentence clearly illustrates that the sentence I quoted is poorly written.

    Have I used the word 'illustrates' correctly? Or should it be another word?

    If my question should be posted on another thread, please let me know.

    Thanks again.
    Yes. "Illustrates" is correct. And thank you.

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    #5

    Re: some police personnel / on the right track

    Hi Abaka

    I deeply appreciate your prompt reply and I'm for all the help you have rendered me.

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