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  1. Volcano1985's Avatar
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    #1

    Check Please

    May no one cry either
    Or those who always smile, may not smile
    May no one has the money called disease either
    Or may rich people learn sharing


    Could you check this ?

  2. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Check Please

    Quote Originally Posted by Volcano1985 View Post
    May no one cry either
    Or those who always smile, may not smile
    May no one has the money called disease either
    Or may rich people learn sharing


    Could you check this ?
    You ask us to check it, but what is it, where does it come from, what is it's context. Without more information it is impossible to offer any assistance.

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    #3

    Re: Check Please

    This appears to be poetry. Do your opening "mays" indicate a wish? Or just possibilities?

  3. Volcano1985's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Check Please

    Quote Originally Posted by abaka View Post
    This appears to be poetry. Do your opening "mays" indicate a wish? Or just possibilities?
    Yes, a wish and I translated from a poem.

  4. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Check Please

    Quote Originally Posted by Volcano1985 View Post
    Yes, a wish and I translated from a poem.
    It is very difficult to translate poetry, because poetry relies on some sort of rhyme which is not always translateable.

  5. Volcano1985's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Check Please

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    It is very difficult to translate poetry, because poetry relies on some sort of rhyme which is not always translateable.
    Yes I know.I just want to see if my usage of either/or and may are correct.

  6. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Check Please

    Quote Originally Posted by Volcano1985 View Post

    May no one cry either
    Or those who always smile, may they not smile
    May no one have the disease called money either
    May rich people learn sharing


    Could you check this ?
    This is what I would suggest. Your use of 'may' and 'or' is fine.

  7. Volcano1985's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Check Please

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    This is what I would suggest. Your use of 'may' and 'or' is fine.
    Can I write Or may rich people learn sharing for the last line ?

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    #9

    Re: Check Please

    There is no "correct" revision. One thing about the "may" in a wish is that the word order is always, without exception, "May-subject-verb". In this style, "either" with a negative tends to take the (biblical) form "Neither shall they XXX...".

    Likewise may no one cry
    Or else let the smiling frown
    Likewise may the money plague spare all
    Or else the weathy learn to share.

    But truly there is no "correct" way to write poetry. Write out your own translation in prose, than arrange it to cut as many words out as you can.

    PS. I worked that out as you and Bhaisahab exchanged posts. I think on balance Bhaisahab's suggestions are the best ones in every way.
    Last edited by abaka; 04-Feb-2009 at 21:14. Reason: added ps

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