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  1. sanioli's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 19
    #1

    is this passage correct?

    Most of the animals see the world black and white and also only some animals such as ape, monkey and birds can see colors.
    And also some animals and insects such as dogs ,butterflies can see just moving things so hunted animals attempt to protect themselves this way (by freezing )
    The shape and location of some animals and insect suit their needs, for example, the pupil of horse's eyes is long from side to side or cat and foxes is top to bottom to see a bird up or a mouse in the grass and even some bug's eyes located on the tip of their feeler to see around before moving ahead
    Various animals have various sight and scientist have discovered unusual facts about their sight but there is also a lot more have to discover.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Jan 2009
    • Posts: 902
    #2

    Re: is this passage correct?

    Most of the animals see the world in black and white; only a few animals, such as apes, monkeys and birds, can see colors. Because some predatory animals and insects, such as dogs and butterflies, can only perceive motion, hunted animals [or: their prey] will often attempt to protect themselves this way ( by freezing. The shape and location of [strike]some animals and insect[/strike] organs are adapted to the animals' needs. For example, the pupil of a horse's eye is long from side to side. The pupils of cats and foxes are top to bottom, [better:vertical] so as to see a bird above or a mouse in the grass below. Some bugs even have eyes located on the tip of their feelers, with which they look around before moving ahead. Animals have various mechanisms of sight. Scientists have discovered many unusual facts about their sight, but there is also a lot more left to discover.

    Three suggestions, if I may:

    (1) Punctuate carefully. Don't be afraid to write shorter sentences. Each sentence should contain exactly one point.

    (2) Pay careful attention to whether your nouns and verbs are singular or plural. Make sure that the verb agrees with the subject.

    (3) You write the word "also" too often. Each time you want to put it in, ask yourself whether it is really necessary. Often a full stop and a new sentence would be better.

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