I am not a teacher but I think I spotted some faults correctly.
Try to avoid the passive construction where it's possible. That way you avoid a abundance of verbs. Don't mix written numbers with numerical symbols, it's sloppy. Don't forget the capital letters.
I only corrected the first half of your essay.
the effects of the "use of English" on speaking and listening in the language institutes of Iran?
Many language institutes in Iran are teaching IELTS, which consists of writing, reading, listening, speaking and use of English. My article focuses on the use of English which has pulled through information during a term from one of the language institutes. and according this project students fell into speaking and listening.
The class included 20 girls of 15 to 18 years old. At the beginning of the first term, they were able to speak english fluently and accurately. They could talk about their normal and daily activities. Their listening was also of a fair level. Fourteen students, one aged fifteen, seven students of sixteen and seventeen and the rest eightteen years old, answered 20 out of 30 multiple choice questions correctly.
Six of them got ten to fifteen items right. Two of which were fifteen, one eightteen and the rest were sixteen.
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