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    #1

    Which sentence is correct?

    Here are the sentences:

    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room trying to see what was making an odd sound and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.

    OR

    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room, trying to see what was making an odd sound, and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.

    Oh, also, why is whatever sentence you deem correct, correct?

    Thanks,
    Sam

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Which sentence is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sammy_ View Post
    Here are the sentences:

    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room trying to see what was making an odd sound and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.

    OR

    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room, trying to see what was making an odd sound, and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.

    Oh, also, why is whatever sentence you deem correct, correct?

    Thanks,
    Sam
    Niether one nor the other is ok.


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    #3

    Re: Which sentence is correct?

    Would you, or someone else please correct it?

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    #4

    Re: Which sentence is correct?

    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room trying to see what was making an odd sound and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.

    In the above sentence, the the thing that was making an odd sound had also fallen over the side.


    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room, trying to see what was making an odd sound, and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.

    In this sentence it is clear that she had fallen over the side, but the sentence is still difficult to read.

    The problem is that you are trying to make a single pronoun (she) the subject of multiple predicates and relative clauses. The harder that pronoun has to work, the harder your reader has to work to understand the sentence.

    How about this:
    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room, trying to see what was making an odd sound, when she fell over the side and found that it was nothing more than a bird.
    Last edited by mykwyner; 07-Mar-2009 at 00:53.

  2. tareq10's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Which sentence is correct?

    And if we said:

    Once she had been leaning over the balcony of her room trying to see
    what was making an odd sound, she fell over the side and found that it was nothing more than a bird.

    Doesn't sound better, or the meaning has been changed?
    I don't think so

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Which sentence is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sammy_ View Post

    Once, she had been leaning over the balcony of her room trying to see what was making an odd sound and had fallen over the side, finding that it was nothing more than a bird.
    Try:
    She was standing on the balcony leaning over the fence trying to see what was making an odd sound, and she fell onto the ground. She later discovered that it had been a bird that was making the sound.

  4. RonBee's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Which sentence is correct?

    You can't lean over a balcony. You can lean over a fence or you can lean over a railing.


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