Results 1 to 1 of 1

    • Join Date: Mar 2009
    • Posts: 1

    Post Simple 5 - Paragraph Essay (Needs Revision)

    Hero Essay
    Jimmy Leak
    March 7, 2009

    A hero is someone who is brave, trustworthy, and reliable. This is the kind of person we look up to. Some of them may be inspirational, while others are our everyday life-savers. They exist all over the world! You might not even know it, but you, yourself could be a hero. Amongst so many heroes, there was one who caught my attention. He might not be the typical kind of hero like the ones we see in movies. But you know what? He's the guy who got me into world of dancing! A dedicated, determined, selfless, and successful man. His name is Nam Hyun Joon. My Korean hero.

    It all started when he first saw the legendary Micheal Jackson performed the moonwalk formally known as the “backslide”. He was in grade 5 at the moment, but over time he had taught himself the moonwalk. And from then on, he met other people who had the same interests as him. Same type of feel for music by expressing it through dance itself. He didn't give up with the idea how dancing was his way to communicate to others. His parents were strongly against this idea. They felt he wouldn't stand a chance with all the dancers out in the real world. They thought that dance as a career path was a poor choice. Despite all the reasons his parents dished at him. He kept dancing because that's what he did best at. He didn't have much money at the time. So he couldn't take any dance classes. But sometimes inspiring dancers would invite him for a few dance sessions. Gladly he accepted because he was determined to gain as much knowledge as possible. His path as was slowly opening up. He was willing and determined.

    As time passed, he decided he was going to take dancing seriously. He thought things would get much better since he wasn't fooling around. That's where he was wrong. His family soon could no longer support him. He had to drop out of school since they couldn't afford it. (Education in Korean is not free) They had gone bankrupt. The house was gone, and his parents fled, leaving him homeless. He had no way of contacting his parents. All he could do now was dance. And that's exactly what he did. He stayed in the studio for most of his time. He had no where to sleep, nothing to eat. He soon got malnutrition and eventually he started loosing hair and his nails peeled off. He kept dancing and learning because he couldn't just drop it since dance was the reason why everything had gone wrong. He gave everything he had. That's dedication to it's fullest. So after 10 hard years of dancing, he's been recognize as a professional. A man who follows his dream. Truly inspirational.

    One day he meets his father, but only to find out that he's got cancer. The only way to save him was through surgery which was $30,000. After all his parents did for him, even though they were strongly against him dancing, he felt like he owed them back. He was going to do everything he could to save his father. Surprisingly after those 10 years of experience he hasn't got enough money to even pay 2/3 of the total cost of the surgery. However, he wasn't going to give up there. He started performing and raising funds at his own will. Soon, he had reached the $30,000 mark and his dad received surgery. He was glad he could save a life. He soon took his career another step and started learning many dance styles such as breaking, popping, locking, and much more. He also released his first ever album which was a great hit. When his father passed away, he was shocked, he had thought maybe it was his fault he didn't take care of him well enough. He now takes good care of his mother because that's all he has left. Now he pitches in to charities and runs some funds to help those in need.

    This person isn't just one of those celebrities that we see on TV strolling down the red carpet. He wasn't born with talent, he worked hard for he wanted. He never gave up, no matter how harsh times were. He pulled through and rose to the top. That's what I call a hero. A hero who dance very good to be exact.

    ================================================== ========
    Haha, comment away. I know I have bad grammar, and have a horrible choice of where to place things. But what the essay was trying to prove was how "Hyun Joon" was my hero because of his 3 main qualities. That being dedicated, determined, and selfless. I might have not proved it very well, but...that was my first attempt before brainstorming.

    Revision is needed since no one in my class will actually will read it since they're all lazy.
    Last edited by jim007; 10-Mar-2009 at 11:59.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-Dec-2007, 22:13
  2. Macbeth essay, 1st paragraph.
    By p3t3r1 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-Jun-2006, 05:17
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 14-Dec-2005, 07:09
  4. Intro Paragraph help on Iliad essay
    By Eeezee in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-Dec-2004, 09:06
  5. Opening Paragraph to an Essay
    By Anonymous in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 23-Mar-2004, 12:47


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts