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    • Join Date: Feb 2009
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    #1

    lost in translation

    I would be very grateful if anyone could have checked my translation. Please, be cruel, I want to become a professional someday...

    Itís already afternoon and we are hungry. After all, we try to behave like typical Rhodians, which means we havenít eaten any breakfast. The islanders at most have a bite of rusk, cheese or bread in the morning, explaining that they donít have time for a decent meal, because they hurry to work. Yet, I havenít seen any Rhodian in a hurry.
    We decide to stop for a while round the tiny tavern not far from the beach. They donít have any menu, but the smiling owner speaking broken English invites us to the kitchen and shows what we could eat. Itís an old tradition here. Once, the dishes were chosen straight from the pots and even earlier it was the cook, who decided what to give to the guests Ė people just came to the tavern, sat and waited for the dish of the day.
    Weíve decided to try a little of everything and it was a great decision. In a moment our table was covered with dishes such as the aubergine casserole, fried squid with fish sauce and vegetables (the tastiest I have ever eaten), lettuce and dolmadakia (the grape leaf with rice or meat stuffing). Everything was fresh, even mouth-watering. We took one second helping after another. This three-person feast together with kilograms, or rather litres of wine, cost us less than 30 euro.
    It turned out that Kostas, the delightful owner of the tavern knows where Poland is and has heard about the famous Poles: Lech Wałęsa and Krzysztof Warzycha.
    Thanks in advance

  1. tareq10's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: lost in translation

    Quote Originally Posted by she's_a_rebel View Post
    I would be very grateful if anyone could have checked my translation. Please, be cruel, I want to become a professional someday...

    Itís already afternoon and we are hungry. After all, we try to behave like typical Rhodians, that is / in other wordswhich means we havenít had eaten any breakfast. The islanders at most have a bite of rusk, cheese or bread in the morning, explaining that they donít have time for a decent meal, because they hurry to work. Yet, I havenít seen any Rhodian in a hurry.
    We decide to stop for a while round the tiny tavern not far from the beach. They donít have any menu, but the smiling owner speaking broken English invites us to the kitchen and shows what we could eat. Itís an old tradition here. Once, the dishes were chosen straight from the pots and even earlier it was the cook, who decided what to give to the guests Ė people just came to the tavern, sat and waited for the dish of the day.
    Weíve decided to try a little of everything and it was a great decision. In a moment our table was covered with dishes such as the aubergine casserole, fried squid with fish sauce and vegetables (the tastiest I have ever eaten), lettuce and dolmadakia (the grape leaf with rice or meat stuffing). Everything was fresh, even mouth-watering. We took one second helping after another. This three-person feast together with kilograms, or rather litres of wine, cost us less than 30 euro.
    It turned out that Kostas, the delightful owner of the tavern knows where Poland is and has heard about the famous Poles: Lech Wałęsa and Krzysztof Warzycha.
    Thanks in advance
    Hi, she's_a_rebel.
    It seems a very-well developed translation

  2. tareq10's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: lost in translation

    Great! It was just some kind of an attempt

    you won!

  3. tareq10's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: lost in translation

    Quote Originally Posted by heidita View Post
    jeje,. I dont hink so tareq, you will see how things change when the specialists get here.

    I think you misunderstood and thought I meant myself. Far from it!
    Actually, I thought of some of the things you've checked. but I was afraid to get near from.

    Anyway, I'll try others and see.


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #5

    Re: lost in translation

    It’s already afternoon and we are hungry. After all, we are trying
    rebel: Do you understand why the Present Continuous is the better choice of tense here?

    to behave like typical Rhodians,
    so we haven’t had any breakfast. : I like the original: 'which means we..' It conveys the idea that, even if you wanted to eat breakfast, 'trying to be a Rhodian' means having no breakfast - "trying to be Rhodians, which means..."

    The islanders at most have a bite of rusk, cheese or bread in the morning, explaining that they don’t have time for a decent meal, because they hurry to work.
    I'd omit the comma after 'meal' - it interrupts the flow of the narrative at that point.
    Yet, I haven’t seen any Rhodian in a hurry.
    When I first read this line, I had to stop and decide whether you meant 'yet=so far, up to this point in our trip'; or 'though', making your sentence an observation that although the Rhodians are 'explaining... they hurry to work', your experience of Rhodians is to the contrary.
    It's a judgment call. I prefer "Though, I haven't seen any Rhodians..." It's dry humour (versus cold observation).

    We decide to stop for a while round** a tiny tavern not far from the beach. They don’t have any menu: 'any menu' is good here. What it means is, 'anything that might remotely pass for a menu - even a chalkboard saying what dishes are available - which fits in with what you next tell us about just how this place operates!
    **'round' is the appropriate word here.

    but the smiling owner speaking broken English invites us to the kitchen and shows us(omit) what we could eat.
    You have 'invites us to the kitchen' so the second 'us' is understood.
    It’s an old tradition here.
    Once, the dishes were chosen straight from the pots and even earlier it was the cook, who decided what to serve the guests – people just came to the tavern, sat down and waited for the dish of the day.
    The punctuation is out here.
    Once, the dishes were chosen straight from the pots, and even earlier, it was the cook (omit comma here) who decided what to serve the guests – people just came to the tavern, sat down and waited for the dish of the day.

    We’ve decided to try a little of everything and : you've switched tenses. The first half has been Present tense verb forms, and now it's Past tense verb forms. Why?

    it was a great decision. The style of writing has change: this phrasing sounds like American Travelogue.
    If I was trying to keep in the same style of writing shown to this point, then I would 'play it for understatement':
    We decide to try a little of everything, a decision we do not regret. In a moment, our table is covered with dishes such as an aubergine casserole, fried squid with fish sauce and vegetables (the tastiest I have ever eaten), lettuce and dolmadakia (a grape leaf with rice or meat stuffing). Everything is fresh,

    even mouth-watering. : the use of 'even' here makes it seem a little as if you were surprised it was so nice! I don't think that was your intention.
    Everything is fresh, and what's more, mouth-watering.

    We take one second helping after another. This three-person feast, together with kilograms, or rather, litres of wine, costs us(omit - unnecessary) less than 30 euro. ((note the commas, in blue, that have been inserted.)
    It turns out that Kostas, the delightful owner of the tavern, knows where Poland is and has heard about the famous Poles: Lech Wałęsa and Krzysztof Warzycha.
    Thanks in advance
    Last edited by David L.; 09-Mar-2009 at 02:53.

  4. RonBee's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: lost in translation



    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #7

    Re: lost in translation

    Quote Originally Posted by she's_a_rebel View Post
    I would be very grateful if anyone could have checked my translation. Please, be cruel, I want to become a professional someday...

    Itís already afternoon and we are hungry. After all, we try to behave like typical Rhodians, which means we havenít eaten any breakfast. The islanders at most have a bite of rusk, cheese or bread in the morning, explaining that they donít have time for a decent meal, because they hurry to work. Yet, I havenít seen any Rhodian in a hurry.
    We decide to stop for a while round the tiny tavern not far from the beach. They donít have any menu, but the smiling owner speaking broken English invites us to the kitchen and shows what has been cooked. Itís an old tradition here. Once, the dishes were chosen straight from the pots and even earlier it was the cook who decided what to give to the guests Ė people just came to the tavern, sat and waited for the dish of the day.
    Weíve decided to try a little of everything and it was a great decision. In a moment our table was covered with dishes such as the aubergine casserole, fried squid with fish sauce and vegetables (the tastiest I have ever eaten), lettuce and dolmadakia (the grape leaf with rice or meat stuffing). Everything was fresh, even mouth-watering. We took one second helping after another. This three-person feast together with kilograms, or rather litres of wine, cost us less than 30 euro. One word of warning - it is better to have something cooked especially for you, like grilled fish or steak or fried cheese. That way you are less likely to become ill. Much Greek food sits over or under heat long enough for the bugs to develop.
    It turned out that Kostas, the delightful owner of the tavern, knows where Poland is and has heard about the famous Poles: Lech Wałęsa and Krzysztof Warzycha.
    Thanks in advance
    ....


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #8

    Re: lost in translation

    One word of warning - it is better to have something cooked especially for you, like grilled fish or steak or fried cheese. That way you are less likely to become ill. Much Greek food sits over or under heat long enough for the bugs to develop.


    Such vehemence, such resonance and effort to forewarn can surely only be born of bitter experience.


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #9

    Re: lost in translation

    I note further threads by she's-a-rebel since this, in which 3 people put in a lot of time and effort to proofread the passage.........

    and not a word of acknowledgment, never mind thanks.

    Where's my blacklist book.......

  5. RonBee's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: lost in translation

    Quote Originally Posted by she's_a_rebel View Post
    I would be very grateful if anyone could have checked my translation. Please, be cruel. I want to become a professional someday...
    Say:
    I would be very grateful if someone would check my translation. (The original sentence makes no sense whatsoever.)
    I assume that you don't want just anyone to do it. Also, I cannot tell you if it is a good translation. How about:
    Please check the writing and make suggestions.
    How about acknowledging the responses to your post?


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