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  1. Senior Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Sep 2007
    • Posts: 823
    #1

    help

    Hi there,

    Below is the last paragraph of a complaint letter. Please proofead:

    If you don't make improvement on things that I have mentioned in this letter, I will cancel my membership and plesase return all my membership fees immediately.

    tks
    pete

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Apr 2007
    • Posts: 4,146
    #2

    Re: help

    Quote Originally Posted by peter123 View Post
    Hi there,

    Below is the last paragraph of a complaint letter. Please proofead:

    If you don't make improvement on things that I have mentioned in this letter, I will cancel my membership and plesase return all my membership fees immediately.

    tks
    pete
    If you don't improve the things I mentioned in this letter, I will cancel my menbership and and ask you to (please) immediately return all my membership fees.

    After "letter" you could add a time limit.
    '...letter within the next x weeks, I will...'

    And you can keep or omit "please", depending on how polite or stern you want to be.

  2. Senior Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Sep 2007
    • Posts: 823
    #3

    Re: help

    Hi there,
    Thank a lot.

    I rewrite the sentences. How about this?

    If you do not improve the things I have mentioned in this letter within a week, I wil cancel my membership. I expect you will immediately refund my membership fees.

    Tks
    pte

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Apr 2007
    • Posts: 4,146
    #4

    Re: help

    Quote Originally Posted by peter123 View Post
    hi there,
    thank a lot.

    I rewrote the sentences. How about this?

    If you do not improve the things i have mentioned in this letter within a week, i will cancel my membership. if i am forced to cancel my membership, i expect you will then immediately refund my membership fees.

    i see that you keep wanting to say "have mentioned", but you should realize that "have" is not necessary.
    pte
    2006

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