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    #1

    Help with an extract

    Together they are worth 200 million and now they have been jointly named "entrepeneur of the year".
    It's an inspiration tale. ...................... He says:We are very pleased and very surprised to have been given this kind of recognition.


    1)Yet despite his wealthy and this award. He remains modest about his success

    2)We took every opportunity it gave us

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    #2

    Re: Help with an extract

    Quote Originally Posted by evoiotis21 View Post
    Together they are worth 200 million and now they have been jointly named "entrepeneur of the year".
    It's an inspiration tale. ...................... He says:We are very pleased and very surprised to have been given this kind of recognition.


    1)Yet despite his wealthy and this award. He remains modest about his success

    2)We took every opportunity it gave us
    Dear evoiotis21:

    It's an inspirational tale. Yet despite his wealthy and this award, he remains modest about his success. He says, "We are (etc.)

    Number 1 is a better fit, but I hope the reader already knows who 'he' is, because the introductory sentence only refers to 'they'.

    I hope this is helpful,

    Petra


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    #3

    Re: Help with an extract

    Yes, the reader knows who "he" is because the name has been mentioned in the introduction.I omitted it. so,Is number one better fit???

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    #4

    Re: Help with an extract

    Quote Originally Posted by evoiotis21 View Post
    Yes, the reader knows who "he" is because the name has been mentioned in the introduction.I omitted it. so,Is number one better fit???
    That's my choice. The following sentence shows support by having him say that he is surprised (showing his modesty; he doesn't take the honor for granted).
    By the way, if you were to choose Number 2, it would also have to be modified to say something like:
    'We took every opportunity given us.'


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    #5

    Re: Help with an extract

    Vijay is keen to continue to putting somethinh back into the country he has made his own. "We hope we are model citizens and would like to remain so," he says.My brother and I have enormous ambition and drive,but we were also lucky enough to live in a country that never stood in our way" he says. ........................ His message for young people is to do the same:"Identify your aim,and don't let anything deter from achieving that goal."


    So, Does the sentence Number 2 fit better in this paragraph???

    thank you in advance

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    #6

    Re: Help with an extract

    Quote Originally Posted by evoiotis21 View Post
    Vijay is keen to continue to putting somethinh back into the country he has made his own. "We hope we are model citizens and would like to remain so," he says.My brother and I have enormous ambition and drive,but we were also lucky enough to live in a country that never stood in our way" he says. ........................ His message for young people is to do the same:"Identify your aim,and don't let anything deter from achieving that goal."


    So, Does the sentence Number 2 fit better in this paragraph???

    thank you in advance
    Dear evoiotis:

    Yes, it does.

    Best wishes,
    Petra

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