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    • Join Date: Aug 2008
    • Posts: 33
    #1

    please correct my letter

    Dear Sir,

    I am writing to you in regard to our local library which is supposed to destroy by a company in near future.

    My full name is Mazyar HAbibi, I am a resident of Ahmad area. Last week, I heard that a company is going to buy our local library for replacing it by a big supermarket.

    Actually, we are not satisfied with this plan due to several problems. First, there is no more library in the vicinity. Therefore, people, specially adults, who enjoy reading will gone to so much trouble. In addition, the road will be jammed by traffic as a result of big supermarket. In fact, We have some problems with traffic now, we have a crowded street , and some times the heavy traffic is almost intolerable specially at the rush hours, because it is a narrow, one-way street.

    I feel some thing should be done in this regard as quickly as possible. It really needs taking necessary action.

    Please give this matter your immediate attention.

    Sincerely yours,

    Mazyar Habibi


    • Join Date: May 2009
    • Posts: 182
    #2

    Re: please correct my letter

    Quote Originally Posted by rezashena View Post
    Dear Sir,

    I am writing to you in regard to our local library which is supposed to be destroyed by a company in the near future. (I am not certain to whom you are writing, but it might be appropriate to be more specific in this first paragraph. Perhaps you could provide the specific name of the library and of the company which has set its sights on the destruction of your library. I'm not even certain that you need this first sentence, since you provide the same information in your second paragraph.)

    My full name is Mazyar Habibi, and I am a resident of Ahmad area. ("Area" is rather vague; perhaps you mean neighborhood, district or county?) Last week, I heard that a company is going to buy our local library and replace it with a big supermarket.

    Actually, we (We? Who is we? You have given your own name, but who else are you authorized to speak for?) have several problems with this plan. First, this means there will be no more library in the vicinity. Therefore, people, especially adults who enjoy reading, will have to go to a lot of trouble to (access quality reading materials? find a new library?). In addition, the road will be jammed by traffic as a result of the big supermarket. In fact, we already have some problems with traffic. We have a crowded street , and sometimes the heavy traffic is almost intolerable, especially during rush hours, because it is a narrow, one-way street.

    I feel that something should be done about this (or "to fix this" or "to solve this problem") as quickly as possible. It really requires action.

    Please give this matter your immediate attention.

    Sincerely yours,

    Mazyar Habibi
    Hope this helps.

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