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  1. Offroad's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Brazilian Portuguese
      • Home Country:
      • Brazil
      • Current Location:
      • Brazil

    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 2,817
    #1

    Smile hope it's blood

    Dear teachers and friends.... could you proofread this text?

    This man was so addicted to spirit, so addicted that... well... it was 3 a.m., he was in a bar, it was raining dogs and cats... he took a taxi:
    - Yes, where to?
    - Yes, my place, please.
    - Alright, but... where's it?
    - If I knew it I would be on my way already...
    the 'already' almost could not come out of his mouth. Anyway, after a couple of minutes they got home. His wife, terribly pissed off with such situation, said:
    - What's the meaning of this you fool drunk?
    - I am drunk, can't you see? Pay the taxi driver, otherwise you will have to go with him.
    She went mad:
    - Why would I go with him?
    - Because I have no money and I promised him that when I am home and realise I have no extra money, I'd reward him with the most valuable thing I have: you!.
    - Are you insane?
    - If you say so.
    - And he bought it. Why?
    He replied right away:
    - If I were you, I would pay the poor man.
    Well... that fight took all the rest of the night and some hours of the morning, he could not stand any longer with that madness. He took this spirit bottle back, put it in his pocket and left the house. When he was 30 meters away from the house he got dizzy and ended up falling down on the bottle, he felt something liquid flowing over his butt and legs... desperately he yelled:
    - Hope it's blood.

    Thanks
    Last edited by Offroad; 04-Jun-2009 at 00:07.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,888
    #2

    Re: hope it's blood

    I'd change 'flowing on'; to flowing down/across/over depending on the angle and direction.

  2. Offroad's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Brazilian Portuguese
      • Home Country:
      • Brazil
      • Current Location:
      • Brazil

    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 2,817
    #3

    Re: hope it's blood

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    I'd change 'flowing on'; to flowing down/across/over depending on the angle and direction.
    All right, post edited. However, I got a doubt.
    An American friend of mine just read this very same text, he almost said/suggested that I should go back to the drawing board and learn some real English. He found lots of errors.
    Then, I have got two questions now:

    a) Was Tdol too generous proofreading?
    b) The text is fine in BrE but not in AmE?
    c) something else?

    Thanks
    Last edited by Offroad; 04-Jun-2009 at 00:16.

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