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    #1

    Redundant expression>

    I wrote this:
    The equipment shall be used for the airtight inspection of delivery pipe assemblies (hereafter referred to as workpieces) to be agreed with you.

    A checker changed the sentence as follows:
    The equipment shall be used for the airtight inspection of delivery pipe assemblies (hereafter referred to as workpieces) to be determined upon discusson and agreement with you.

    I think the checker's sentence was a little too redundant. What do you think?

  1. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Redundant expression>

    Quote Originally Posted by Snappy View Post
    I wrote this:
    The equipment shall be used for the airtight inspection of delivery pipe assemblies (hereafter referred to as workpieces) to be agreed with you.

    A checker changed the sentence as follows:
    The equipment shall be used for the airtight inspection of delivery pipe assemblies (hereafter referred to as workpieces) to be determined upon discusson and agreement with you.

    I think the checker's sentence was a little too redundant. What do you think?
    What is to be agreed upon?
    The equipment to be agreed upon shall be used ...
    The equipment shall be used for the airtight inspection to be agreed upon ...
    The equipment shall be used for the airtight inspection of delivery pipe assemblies to be agreed upon.

    Before fixing any redundancies, I think the more important thing is to disambiguate the sentence.

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