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  1. gagatek
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    #1

    Question paragraph

    Could someone check my paragraph?

    1.compare/contrast: show the differences between your attitude to your parents when you were a child and now (one paragraph, REMEMBER!!! TOPIC SENTENCE, SUPPORTING IDEAS, LOGICAL PROGRESSION, CONCLUSION!!!

    Throughout my life, I have been lucky enough to have a good relationship with my parents. Unfortunately our relationship has not always been so good. My attitude to my parents has change, together with my adolescence.
    In the first place, when I was a child I wanted more freedom and independence. My parents limited time for my when to come home, whereas I did not agree with definite hour. Then I thought that in this way, parents limit my freedom. Now I know they did it in the name of safety. Secondly, when I was young I saw the world from a more optimistic point of view. I entered into conflict with them, because I had my own opinion about everything and I simply couldn't agree with their conclusions. I thought that my parents are too strict for me, only later I realized that they simply know better what is good for me and what does not. Finally, as a kid, I didn't have a say in very much that went on; my parents made decisions about everything from the cereal I ate in the morning to the pajamas I wore at night. And it's a good thing, too kids need this kind of protection and assistance because they aren't mature enough to take care of themselves and make careful decisions on their own.

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by gagatek View Post
    Could someone check my paragraph?

    1.compare/contrast: show the differences between your attitude to your parents when you were a child and now (one paragraph, REMEMBER!!! TOPIC SENTENCE, SUPPORTING IDEAS, LOGICAL PROGRESSION, CONCLUSION!!!

    Throughout my life, I have been lucky enough to have a good relationship with my parents. Unfortunately our relationship has not always been so good. My attitude to my parents has changed, together withduring the course of my adolescence.
    In the first place, when I was a child I wanted more freedom and independence. My parents limited time for my when to come home, whereas I did not agree with definite hour. Then I thought that in this way, my parents limited my freedom. Now I know they did it in the name of safety. Secondly, when I was young I saw the world from a more optimistic point of view. I entered into conflict with them, because I had my own opinion about everything and I simply couldn't agree with their conclusions. I thought that my parents are were too strict for me. Only later I realized that they simply knew better what was good for me and what does not. Finally, as a kid, I didn't have a say in very much that went on; my parents made decisions about everything from the cereal I ate in the morning to the pajamas I wore at night. And it's a good thing, too kids children need this kind of protection and assistance because they aren't mature enough to take care of themselves and make careful decisions on their own.
    I haven't corrected all of your mistakes.
    'Kids' is colloquial. 'Children' is better in a formal essay.
    You need to take more care with tenses - especially in this case by using the past tense when you are referring to something that occurred in the past.

    R.

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