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      • English
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      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2,333
    #1

    Please correct any errors in the composition

    Hi everybody

    Could someone please correct any errors in the following composition? Thank you very much.

    One Sunday night, my family went shopping, leaving me alone. “Hey! Aren’t they inconsiderate! They didn’t even wake me up to tell me that they were going out,” I exclaimed. Then I turned on the lights and did my English homework, which I had to hand in to the teacher the following day.

    Suddenly, the lights went out; that gave me a shock of my life! “Why am I so unlucky?” I asked myself. Then I tried to look for the candles. I had difficulty getting to the kitchen cabinet as it was dark. On the way there, I stepped on the paw of my dog. Fortunately, I was walking slowly and I stepped on it softly, otherwise it would have bitten me out of instinct. Finally, I found the candles in one of the kitchen cabinet drawers. Having found the candles, I had to look for the matches. I had to take a long time to find them as I could hardly see in the dark. I had to grope about in the drawers. Fortunately, I managed to find them in the lowest drawer of the kitchen cabinet.

    After lighting a candle, I made my way to the table in the living room. I placed the candles at the front of my table and lighted them. However, it was not bright enough, so I had difficulty doing my homework. I had to strain my eyes. Nevertheless, I did my work to the best of my ability. I was constantly in fear because I was afraid of darkness. Every single sound I heard frightened me.

    Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I was startled, but I knew that my family had returned home. I carried one of the candles and walked to the door. As soon as I reached it, the lights came on. What a coincidence! I was relieved as the electricity had been restored. My mother asked me whether I had completed my homework. I told her that I was unable to because of the blackout. She accepted my explanation.

    That night is unforgettable because that was the first time I experienced a blackout.
    Lission

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2,333
    #2

    Re: Please correct any errors in the composition

    Could someone comment on my composition, please?


    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 3
    #3

    Re: Please correct any errors in the composition

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    Hi everybody

    Could someone please correct any errors in the following composition? Thank you very much.

    One Sunday night, my family went shopping, leaving me alone. “Hey! Aren’t they inconsiderate! They didn’t even wake me up to tell me that they were going out,” I exclaimed. Then I turned on the lights and did my English homework, which I had to hand in to the teacher the following day.

    Suddenly, the lights went out; that gave me a shock of my life! “Why am I so unlucky?” I asked myself. Then I tried to look for the candles. I had difficulty getting to the kitchen cabinet as it was dark. On the way there, I stepped on the paw of my dog. Fortunately, I was walking slowly and I stepped on it softly, otherwise it would have bitten me out of instinct. Finally, I found the candles in one of the kitchen cabinet drawers. Having found the candles, I had to look for the matches. I had to take a long time to find them as I could hardly see in the dark. I had to grope about in the drawers. Fortunately, I managed to find them in the lowest drawer of the kitchen cabinet.

    After lighting a candle, I made my way to the table in the living room. I placed the candles at the front of my table and lighted them. However, it was not bright enough, so I had difficulty doing my homework. I had to strain my eyes. Nevertheless, I did my work to the best of my ability. I was constantly in fear because I was afraid of darkness. Every single sound I heard frightened me.

    Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I was startled, but I knew that my family had returned home. I carried one of the candles and walked to the door. As soon as I reached it, the lights came on. What a coincidence! I was relieved as the electricity had been restored. My mother asked me whether I had completed my homework. I told her that I was unable to because of the blackout. She accepted my explanation.

    That night is unforgettable because that was the first time I experienced a blackout.
    Lission

    Hello!! your composition is quite good but I would use:

    "That gave me the shock of my life"
    "I had some difficulty in getting to the kitchen.." ( you have to use the preposition)
    " on my way there.."( it is another option)
    " After having found the candles"
    " it took me a long time to find...."
    " I had difficulty in doing my homework"
    " I was really frightened"
    " I had finished my homework" ( for me it is better than " to complete")
    " I told her that I could not finish them or I was unabled to finish them"
    " She believed me"
    " It was an unforgettable experience /night for me because that was the first time I had experienced..."

    I hope you find it useful but I also hope that other people can give you their opinion, in case I have forgotten something or have better options!

    I hope you understand my corrections! and thanks!

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