A journalist working undercover in the hospital

Bassim

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Mar 1, 2008
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Bosnian
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Bosnia Herzegovina
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I am wondering if my sentence sounds natural.

A journalist, working undercover in the hospital, discovered that on a few occasions during the nights patients cried for help without being attended to by the nurses.
 

emsr2d2

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Jul 28, 2009
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I am wondering if my sentence sounds natural.

A journalist, working undercover in the hospital, discovered that [STRIKE]on a few occasions during the nights[/STRIKE] sometimes, during the night, patients [STRIKE]cried[/STRIKE] called for help [STRIKE]without being attended to by the nurses.[/STRIKE] but no one came.

See above for what I consider to be a more natural version. The commas at the start are optional but I would leave them in to break up what would otherwise be a very long pause-free sentence.

You could start with "An undercover journalist at the hospital ..."
 
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