A Model Teacher--Correction and suggestion

[Joe]

I wrote this little essay and could you please give some corrections or suggestions? Please make as much change as possible. I want to see the clear difference between my 'chinglish' and your real English.
Thanks a lot.

One of my teachers says," A good teacher is no 'knowledge mover', who moves the knowledge from the textbook to students". As a student, I must say, I'm totally with that. And I'd like to add," A good teacher should be a knowledge guide, who shows you the door which leads to the exploration of the spiritual world by his or her inspiration. As college students, we don't and shouldn't have any reading problems. That is, we students move the knowledge from the textbook to our mind. Then it's a teacher's job to share with you his or her experiences, which shows you a new fresh perspective from a teacher's standpoint. With your own understanding and a teacher's inspiration, I think you can make a model learner. And meanwhile, your teacher can make a model teacher.

 

[Tdol]

I'll have a look later when I have a break. ;-)

 

[RonBee]

I wouldn't say there is much (if any) Chinglish there. Indeed, you seem to have picked up some American slang, some of which slipped into your essay. (I really don't think you want us to change it as much as possible or to change as many things as possible.)

Re:

• One of my teachers says," A good teacher is no 'knowledge mover', who moves the knowledge from the textbook to students". As a student, I must say, I'm totally with that.

The first sentence is fine. The second sentence is a bit slangy for an essay. I would say "I totally agree with that" instead of "I'm totally with that".

Re:

• And I'd like to add," A good teacher should be a knowledge guide, who shows you the door which leads to the exploration of the spiritual world by his or her inspiration.

I suggest:

• I'd like to add that a good teacher should be a knowledge guide, someone who leads you to the exploration of the world of knowledge by his or her inspiration.

I wouldn't use "shows you the door" there. That is an idiom meaning "help you out the door", and not in a nice way. ("Show you to the door" is something else.) Also, the spiritual world is, I think, something different from the world of knowledge.



Re:

• As college students, we don't and shouldn't have any reading problems. That is, we students move the knowledge from the textbook to our mind. Then it's a teacher's job to share with you his or her experiences, which shows you a new fresh perspective from a teacher's standpoint. With your own understanding and a teacher's inspiration, I think you can make a model learner. And meanwhile, your teacher can make a model teacher.

Try:

• As college students, we don't and shouldn't have any reading problems. That is, we students move the knowledge from the textbook to our minds. Then it's a teacher's job to share with you his or her experiences, which shows you a fresh perspective from a teacher's standpoint. With your own understanding and a teacher's inspiration, I think you can become a model learner. And meanwhile, your teacher can become a model teacher.

 

[Joe]

Thank you, RonBee. Are you saying that we should use as less slang in an essay as possible? Or even none of slang?

 

[RonBee]

Generally speaking, the use of slang is discouraged in essays. So, no slang. However, it is really up to your instructor. Certainly, if you are using dialogue it might be appropriate. However, essays don't use dialogue much, and the use of slang is discouraged.