a ten-year low

[YAMATO2201]

Would you please correct the following sentences?

David hadn't realized he was lost in a reverie until stock prices plummeted more than 30 percent to a ten-year low in New York last Friday. I hear through the grapevine that he's desperately groping in the dark to get out of his predicament, but it's too late now. His life as an investor is hanging by a thread.

 

[GoesStation]

Try writing this as seven or eight short sentences.

 

[GoesStation]

Seven or eight would be too many, but I think five or six punchier sentences might express the thoughts in that paragraph better.

 

[YAMATO2201]

five or six punchier sentences

That's a tall order! :shock:

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Would you please correct the following sentences?

David hadn't realized he was lost in a reverie until stock prices plummeted more than 30 percent to a ten-year low in New York last Friday. I heard through the grapevine that he's desperately groping in the dark to get out of his predicament, but it's too late now. His life as an investor is hanging by a thread.

I don't know the context. So I wonder whether you really mean "he was lost in a reverie." That means stocks fell thirty percent while he was sitting at his desk daydreaming.

Didn't he notice his coworkers jumping out the window? That's a lot of daydreaming!

 

[YAMATO2201]

So I wonder whether you really mean "he was lost in a reverie."

I wrote it in order to suggest that David was too optimistic about the future of the US stock market. However, I should have fleshed out my paragraph with a few more sentences.