After they had done more than twenty retakes

Bassim

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I am wondering if my sentence is grammatically correct.

After they had done more than twenty retakes, the crew were exhausted and muttered curses at the director, who was a perfectionist, and seemed still not satisfied with the result.
 

emsr2d2

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I am wondering if my sentence is grammatically correct.

After [STRIKE]they had done[/STRIKE] more than twenty retakes, the crew were exhausted and muttered curses at the director, [STRIKE]who was[/STRIKE] a perfectionist, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] who still seemed [STRIKE]still[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]not[/STRIKE] dissatisfied with the result.

I would write it as I have shown above. It's less wordy.
 
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