After they had done more than twenty retakes

[Bassim]

I am wondering if my sentence is grammatically correct.

After they had done more than twenty retakes, the crew were exhausted and muttered curses at the director, who was a perfectionist, and seemed still not satisfied with the result.

 

[emsr2d2]

I am wondering if my sentence is grammatically correct.

After [STRIKE]they had done[/STRIKE] more than twenty retakes, the crew were exhausted and muttered curses at the director, [STRIKE]who was[/STRIKE] a perfectionist, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] who still seemed [STRIKE]still[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]not[/STRIKE] dissatisfied with the result.

I would write it as I have shown above. It's less wordy.