After years of a deep depression

[Bassim]

Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences?

After years of a deep depression, David cut a sad figure: his bloated pasty face, his lifeless grey eyes with dark rings under them, his large stomach bulging under the old coat. He shuffled staring at the ground, like a life-sentenced prisoner without parole.

 

[GoesStation]

Bassim,

Shorter sentences are usually better. Try reading Hemingway for inspiration.

 

[Bassim]

GoesStation,

I have used longer sentence since my childhood. I cannot change myself now when I am 52. I read Hemingway in the past, but I do not like him. I cannot have any writer as an inspiration. They have their lives, and I have mine. I am reading novels and short stories to learn how to use words properly and also grammar, but they do not affect me emotionally. That happened when I was younger, but nowadays I am using works of fiction just as a material to learn craft of fiction.

 

[Barb_D]

like a prisoner sentenced to life without parole.

Don't use so many adjectives. It makes the writing stilted.
He shuffled along, staring at the ground, like a prisoner sentenced to life without parole.

Depression doesn't make you bloated...

 

[tedmc]

After years of [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] deep depression..

I think there should be no indefinite article.

Or, if "a deep depression" is meant to refer to an event in the past, how about: Years after a deep depression..?

 

[teechar]

how about: Years after a deep depression..?

That doesn't mean the same.

 

[tedmc]

That doesn't mean the same.

I know, and depression is more likely to be a chronic condition.