an article about face reading

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whl626

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Hi Ron

Can you comment on the English in the article I've written .. :)

With the rapid development of science and technology, mankind was able to set foot on the moon forty years ago. Under today's Almighty scientific scrutiny, is there room for this mysterious study of judging one's future from their appearances to survive ?
In fact, the study itself is not simply a hearsay or a legend. Otherwise it wouldn't have lasted for over thousands of years in China. Does that mean the more civilized or highly institutionalized a society, the more people believe in it ? Well, the crux of the question lies in the ever-existing truth that every element has its tangible and untangible forms in relation to their assurances and coincidences.
Regarding something that's untangible and happens all of a sudden, that is beyond what scientists can tell regardless of what experiement they intend to carry out. But the study of appearances can reveal the secret of all these untold mysteries.
What is the study of appearances then ?
That is actually a knowledge about one's date of birth and his appearance that presets what the future lies ahead. Through long term observation, the prediction of the cause of various illnesses and the accumulation of unlimited experiences that resulted in the emergence of the study of appearances. This is supposed to be a serious topic that can't be taken lightly.
People go to the master, because they want to know whether they will become wealthy or they would enjoy a healthy and longer life. And also knowing more about their personality, psychology well-being or whether they are smart or just a dumber as well as the happiness in the family or success in business.
 

Tdol

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With the rapid development of science and technology, mankind was able to set foot on the moon forty years ago. Under today's Almighty (I'd use lower case here) scientific scrutiny, is there room for this mysterious study of judging one's future from their (one's) appearances to survive ?
In fact, the study itself is not simply a (delete 'a') hearsay or a legend. Otherwise it wouldn't (don't use contractions) have lasted for over (delete 'over') thousands of years in China. Does that mean the more civilized or highly institutionalized a society, the more people believe in it ? Well, the crux of the question lies in the ever-existing truth that every element has its tangible and untangible forms in relation to their assurances and coincidences. (this sounds a bit unclear to me)
Regarding something that's untangible and happens all of a sudden, that is beyond what scientists can tell regardless of what experiement (spelling and I'd use the plural) they intend to carry out. But the study of appearances can reveal the secret of all these untold mysteries.
What is the study of appearances then ?
That (It) is actually a (delete 'a') knowledge about one's date of birth and his (one's) appearance that presets what the future lies ahead (I'd either change the verb to 'holds in store' or change the verb 'presets') . Through long term (long-term?) observation, the prediction of the cause of various illnesses and the accumulation of unlimited experiences that resulted in the emergence of the study of appearances. (I'm a bit lost here) This is supposed to be a serious topic that can't be taken lightly.
People go to the master, because they want to know whether they will become wealthy or they would (I'd delete they and would and use will) enjoy a healthy and longer life. And also knowing more about their personality, psychology well-being or whether they are smart or just a dumber as well as the happiness in the family or success in business.(This isn't a complete sentence)

In Ron's absence, I hope this might help a bit. ;-)
 

RonBee

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In my opinion, you have a problem with connectedness. How you go from talking about the US space program to talking about face reading is beyond me. But you do it in two sentences.
:eek:

whl626 said:
With the rapid development of science and technology, mankind was able to set foot on the moon forty years ago.

Better:
  • Due to the rapid development of science and technology, mankind was able to set foot on the moon forty years ago.

That sentence does a better job, I think, of putting the two things into a cause and effect relationship. Nevertheless, it is, I think, still too passive in structure, and it lacks connectedness with the following sentence.

whl626 said:
Under today's Almighty scientific scrutiny, is there room for this mysterious study of judging one's future from their appearances to survive ?

That sentence has a couple of problems. For one thing, there is nothing for "this mysterious study ..." to refer to. I suppose the reader is supposed to know that that refers to the title, but it should refer to something in a previous sentence.

whl626 said:
In fact, the study itself is not simply a hearsay or a legend.

Well, it couldn't be either one. You will have to make a different kind of comparison. Besides, you can't say a hearsay. You could say that it is neither a legend nor a myth, but the issue is not whether it is real or not. The issue is its validity--is it a genuine science? (Astrology has been around for a long time also, but its validity as a science is at best questionable.)

whl626 said:
Otherwise it wouldn't have lasted for over thousands of years in China. Does that mean the more civilized or highly institutionalized a society, the more people believe in it ?

I don't see the point to "Otherwise" in the first sentence. Instead, say:
  • It has lasted for thousands of years in China.

In any case, the second sentence is a non sequitur. In other words, the second sentence does not naturally follow from the first one.

What does that refer to in the second sentence? What does it refer to? (Put the QM immediately after the last word.)

8)
 

RonBee

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whl626 said:
Well, the crux of the question lies in the ever-existing truth that every element has its tangible and untangible forms in relation to their assurances and coincidences.

Perhaps you mean eternal truth. The rest is a mystery to me. (Some things are tangible. Other things are intangible.)

whl626 said:
Regarding something that's untangible and happens all of a sudden, that is beyond what scientists can tell regardless of what experiement they intend to carry out.

I don't know what is meant by something that's untangible and happens all of a sudden. Please rephrase that sentence for the sake of clarity.

whl626 said:
But the study of appearances can reveal the secret of all these untold mysteries.

The study of a person's face can reveal his future?

:?:
 

whl626

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Well, I thought the post wasn't answered yet since there is still no email notification :p.

I tried to write an article as unique as possible but ended up so messy :p.

tangible things refer to something physical that we can see.

intangile thing refers to the spiritual element that exists but beyond what we can see or touch because there is a belief that before an accident or a disaster takes place. A kind of bad energy is surrounding the place :) or one's destiny is written on his face or palm but the person doesn't notice it :)

The study of one's appearance is not a legend or myth otherwise it ....... ( this ' otherwise ' doesn't make sense ? )

Yeah, there is one more paragraph to finish the article :p but I was too eager to have it corrected.
 

RonBee

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Comments, questions, and suggestions

Something that is tangible is something you can touch. (Objects, plants, and animals are tangible.) Something that is intangible is something you cannot touch. (Ideas, emotions, and words are intangible.)

A legend is a story, especially one of doubtful authenticity.

Make a space between paragraphs. It will make the text more readable.

Simplify.

Re:
  • Well, the crux of the question lies in the ever-existing truth that every element has its tangible and untangible forms in relation to their assurances and coincidences.

It is unclear what element means there. It is also unclear what is meant by assurances and coincidences.

Re:
  • That is actually a knowledge about one's date of birth and his appearance that presets what the future lies ahead.

  • Knowledge of a person's date of birth along with examining that person's face allows an expert face reader to predict that person's future.

Re:
  • Through long term observation, the prediction of the cause of various illnesses and the accumulation of unlimited experiences that resulted in the emergence of the study of appearances.

There may be a sentence in there somewhere, but I don't know what it is. In any case, the cause of an illness is not predicted but determined.

Re:
  • This is supposed to be a serious topic that can't be taken lightly.

We use an expression such as "This is supposed to be a serious topic" when people aren't taking it (the topic) seriously. Perhaps:
  • This is a serious topic that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Re:
  • People go to the master, because they want to know whether they will become wealthy or they would enjoy a healthy and longer life.

  • People go to the master because they want to know if they will become wealthy and if they will enjoy good health and longevity.

Re:
  • And also knowing more about their personality, psychology well-being or whether they are smart or just a dumber as well as the happiness in the family or success in business

  • They also want to know if they will lead a happy life and if they will succeed in business.
 
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