Anna sat on a stone after a long hike

Bassim

VIP Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Bosnian
Home Country
Bosnia Herzegovina
Current Location
Sweden
Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences? Does "fright sealed her lips" sound natural?

Anna sat on a stone after a long hike. As she brought a bottle to her lips to drink water, from the corner of her eye she saw a snake coiling around her leg. She wanted to scream but fright sealed her lips.
 

Bassim

VIP Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Bosnian
Home Country
Bosnia Herzegovina
Current Location
Sweden
RobertJ

Thank you for your advice.
Regarding a"bottle" in my sentence, I can say that when you bring a bottle to your lips, your head is still bent down and then slowly goes back. Even when you start to drink from it, you still can see your legs if they are stretched out. So it is not unlikely that she would see a snake coiling around her leg.
 
Last edited:

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
After a long hike, Anna sat on a rock (to get some rest). She wanted to take a sip of water, and as she brought the bottle to her lips, she saw from the corner of her eye a snake coiling around her leg. She wanted to scream, but the fright sealed her lips.

Try that.
 
Top