Any one help me edit my paragraph

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esophea

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Please help me fine mistake and make it more formal
Diversity in Education in USA

There are a number of diversities in Education in the world. Because of these differences, the quality of students who graduate can be difference. Some students are well-educated, while the others can be uneducated. In the United State, possibly true to many countries, there are several differences in Education. First of all, teaching method and curriculum can be different from one university to another. Obviously, Teaching method and non-standardized curricula, courses or subject that are different from others, can change the quality of education, and it may bring the differences to two courses. Another difference is that private university is different from state-funded university. State universities have more requirements or expectation than the private universities. For example, state universities require students to take entrance exam before becoming a freshman, and some demand students to get over 60% in the exam in order to move to a higher class. In particular, students are required to come to class very often; otherwise, they may be failed or expelled from school. However, private universities can never focus on attendance, entrance exam or exam marks.
 

Khalid Ahmad

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Here some mistakes that u have commited in organizing ur para and they are:

Your topic has too many point and when we write para so we according to the rules of para, divide them on several paras this isthere for your this written piece actually lack the appropriate organization of ideas.(I dont mean your ideas are poor some thing like this).Try to organize them or in other word better to say : give them a logical sequence.

Do remember one thing that Para Writting means to just bring only one central idea in that particular Para no matter whatever your topic is.This is what the demand of Paragraph writting is.

If you need further help and support dont hesitate to contact me as I teach these thing not only here in Afghanistan but in abroad as well.

Thank you,
Khalid
 

Khalid Ahmad

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Jan 30, 2008
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Here some mistakes that u have commited in organizing ur para and they are:

Your topic has too many point and when we write para so we according to the rules of para, divide them on several paras this isthere for your this written piece actually lack the appropriate organization of ideas.(I dont mean your ideas are poor some thing like this).Try to organize them or in other word better to say : give them a logical sequence.

Do remember one thing that Para Writting means to just bring only one central idea in that particular Para no matter whatever your topic is.This is what the demand of Paragraph writting is.

If you need further help and support dont hesitate to contact me as I teach these thing not only here in Afghanistan but in abroad as well.

Thank you,
Khalid[Ahmad ]
 

Khalid Ahmad

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Jan 30, 2008
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Please see bellow the reply of your question,"Any one help me edit my Para

Scroll down to have a look
 

marinkovic

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English is very straight-forward language, simple and very precise. When you write an essay in english you MUST write it in 'english'-express yourself in the way which will convince the reader that you come from England, not that you are just using english words to say or write something. The reader must not realize that where you come from. You must use english sentence, not your mother-tounge sentence.
example:
you wrote:'there are number of diversities in Education in the World'
it should be:'Diversities in education are numerous'
you wrote:'some students are well educated while others can be uneducated' -this is bad
it should be:'some students are well educated while others are not'
you wrote:'In the United State, possibly true to many countries, there are several differences in Education.'
it sholud be:'Differences in education vary within the countries as well. Such is the case with The United States as well.
Check your grammar. ok?
 

marinkovic

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She didn't 'commit mistake',
commit a crime
make a mistake
These verbs ARE VERY DIFFERENT, make sure that your english, is 'english'.ok?
 

Tdol

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There are a number of diversities in Education in the world.

I would say something like There are many different systems/styles of education in the world.
 
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