Any suggestions on how to amend this run-on sentence?

Status
Not open for further replies.

thincat

Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2012
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Hong Kong
Current Location
Hong Kong
Hi,

Could anyone tell me some suggestions for making the following sentence grammatical and stylistically good?

"The figure for the first quarter this year is 40 per cent lower than that of the same period last year, especially, there was a large reduction of 50 per cent in the number of those who reported to the registry for the first time."

Thank you!:)
 

anglitha

New member
Joined
Sep 20, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
Greece
Here are my suggestions:
The figure for the first quarter OF this year is 40 per cent lower than FOR the same period last year, FUTHERMORE, there HAS BEEN a notable reduction of 50 per cent in the number of those who reported to the registry for the first time."

OR A SIZEABLE 50 PER CENT REDUCTION

Hope this helps.
 

Rover_KE

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Member Type
Retired English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
England
Current Location
England
You definitely need a full stop after 'last year'.

I suggest

"The figure for the first quarter this year is 40 per cent lower than that of the same period last year. Furthermore, there was a significant reduction of 50 per cent in the number of those who reported to the registry for the first time."

Rover
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top