anyone have any idea about these essays?

[joetmh]

hey.. r u sure u're getting any hungry? tat means my sentences really do have some power in it... ahha... just joking... but thanx anyway... u're always so helpful as my teacher in school .. just tat i don't know u..

so... how much will u give if u r to mark this essay? say it loud so tat i know.. dun hesitate.. i wun get angry...

 

[RonBee]

Um, what happened to your sentences? :wink:

I would really prefer that you didn't use chatroom lingo here. As for a grade, I would say it is average or better, but I am not a classroom teacher, so I don't give grades. Also, I don't exactly know what level you are at. What is important to me is helping you to express yourself better. Do you think we are making progress on that score?

 

[RonBee]

Two more paragraphs, and we're finished.

Sometimes, instead of "satay", I'll choose "rojak", another Malaysia's delicacy. It's not any extraordinary than a few slices of pineapples, guava, mangoes, and other fruits, but when mixed with some home-made sauce, it tastes twice as much as the "satay". That's why I called the night-markets a "heaven on earth", it has a variety of food that we won't be fed up with, and many cheap miscellaneous that we can buy.

• Sometimes, instead of "satay", I'll choose "rojak", another Malaysian delicacy. It's nothing extraordinary. It's just a few slices of pineapples, guava, mangoes, and other fruits, but when mixed with some home-made sauce, it tastes twice as good as the "satay". That's why I call the night-markets a "heaven on earth". They have such a variety of food that there is always plenty to choose from, and they also have many nonfood items for sale.

You might want to substittute inexpensive for cheap, as cheap is used to mean shoddy or not worth very much.

Also, the night-market gathers many different types of people with different status. In there, we can see people just loafing around without buying anything, people that wanted to buy their daily goods, beggers around the corner of the street. Even the rich ones will be sitting in one the stalls eating! It is suitable to all classes of people and most important is, the friendly attitude among the hawkers that makes up the cosy atmosphere that overwhelmes the night-market.

Use attracts instead of gathers. Also, you don't need Also in that first sentence. :wink:

Rather than different types of people with different statuses, you might want to say people from all walks of life. At the night market would be better than In there. In the last sentence, use something besides overwhelms. Perhaps: characterizes.

There!

 

[joetmh]

Thank you man, you made it clear enough for me, really!!

Another thing, can you set up a plot for me for the story below?

Title is " I couldn't believe my eyes......"
Can I like just extract the story from my previous story?
Ex: "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw my brother was smoking his lungs out , with his so-called friends..... " then continue to write on. Or do you have a better idea?

Another one is " A letter that changed my life"
I really can't think of any story that I can write up to 350 words, not to mention it's interesting enough.I have one idea, so can you help me to set up the plot? Just a rough plotting would help.
1. I want to say that I just received a letter from my father, but my mum told me that my father died years after I was born, I went to ask mum, so she told me the truth. Then I gave her the letter, she realized there was a misunderstanding between them after all, so al last father came back and we all have a happy ending.Can you paragraph it and if you wouldn't mind you can help me think a story about
their "misunderstanding".

Well, there is one more, " I couldn't believe my ears...."
Ok, this one is a bit hard, I can't even think of anything, Do you have any idea about how to write this?

Thanks a lot Sir!!!

 

[joetmh]

hey!! just got back from school. Um, Teacher Ronbee, you're busy? anyway, I'm having my test tomorrow, wish me the best and hope the titles I spot will come out in the exam.

 

[Tdol]

I'll wish you all the best for the test. ;-)

 

[RonBee]

Thank you man, you made it clear enough for me, really!!

Another thing, can you set up a plot for me for the story below?

Title is " I couldn't believe my eyes......"
Can I like just extract the story from my previous story?
Ex: "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw my brother was smoking his lungs out , with his so-called friends..... " then continue to write on. Or do you have a better idea?

Another one is " A letter that changed my life"
I really can't think of any story that I can write up to 350 words, not to mention it's interesting enough.I have one idea, so can you help me to set up the plot? Just a rough plotting would help.
1. I want to say that I just received a letter from my father, but my mum told me that my father died years after I was born, I went to ask mum, so she told me the truth. Then I gave her the letter, she realized there was a misunderstanding between them after all, so al last father came back and we all have a happy ending.Can you paragraph it and if you wouldn't mind you can help me think a story about
their "misunderstanding".

Well, there is one more, " I couldn't believe my ears...."
Ok, this one is a bit hard, I can't even think of anything, Do you have any idea about how to write this?

Thanks a lot Sir!!!

I suppose you could use the same story. That is, it's alright with me, but what does your teacher say?

I don't know about coming up with plots. You do seem to be doing a good job of coming up with ideas. If you think you need help, try this website:

• Teenwriting Workshop
  http://forums.about.com/ab-teenwriting3/start
  
  You might have to register with About.com.

I can help you with the paragraphs if you come up with the words.

Good luck!

 

[RonBee]

hey!! just got back from school. Um, Teacher Ronbee, you're busy? anyway, I'm having my test tomorrow, wish me the best and hope the titles I spot will come out in the exam.

I'm not sure what you mean by the titles I spot, but I wish you well.

 

[joetmh]

Hello!!! I'm definitely going to be happy today, I did really welltoday in the free essay! ahha! U know what? The title that comes out in the exam, i wrote it before in school. And besides that, I took some of the proverbs you gave me. Anyway, thanx dude! I think i'm gonna stick with this site as long as i can to improve my english.

 

[RonBee]

You're welcome, dude.

:wink: