As David was driving through town

Bassim

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Are my sentences grammatically correct?

As David was driving through town, a boy ran out after a ball in front of him. David swerved and slammed on the brakes. "I hit him," he groaned, but then in his rear-view mirror saw the boy with his ball scamper back to the playground.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Are my sentences grammatically correct?

As David was driving through town, a boy ran out after a ball in front of him. David swerved and slammed on the brakes. "I hit him," he groaned, but then in his rear-view mirror he saw the boy with his ball scamper back to the playground.

There's a lot going on in that sentence. To be strictly grammatical, you could:

- make it a compound sentence. (That's what I did.)
- get rid of the comma before "but." (But that would make the sentence seem even more run-on.)
- Make it two sentences. (That would be best, in my humble.)

To keep it one long sentence and not make it a compound sentence, you could get rid of that comma and rearrange its following phrases to put "then and "saw" closer to to "but." For example: ". . . he groaned but then saw . . . ."
 
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Charlie Bernstein

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Oops! Did you notice my typo? In the very last line, I put a comma after "but."

It's corrected now: ". . . groaned but then saw . . . ."
 

Bassim

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I will repeat my sentence.

"I hit him," he groaned but then saw in his rear-view mirror the boy with his ball scamper back to the playground.
 
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