Ask for another toptic......

[SunnyLiu]

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your last advice, I learned much from it. Then I wrote another article for IELTS, can you help me again? Can you give me a band if it is possible?
Yours, SunnyLiu :?:
Topic: Nowadays, some people think the city is no longer a good place for children’s education. They suggest that the country is a better choice. To what extent do you agree with the statement?

Writing:
In recent years, cities have been developing at an amazing rate. City life became more and more colorful and complicated. Some people maintain that the city is no longer a good place for children’s education. They suggested that the country is the better choice. I am opposite to it. Personally, I am firmly assured that the city is the better choice.

The city is the center of culture, communication, transport and trade, gathering the quintessence of this region, which also provides better education system. Obviously, the city involves more than well-staffed and well-equipped schools, as well as the well-trained professionals, which provides children with a good education school. There are also various culture activities organized and more advanced facilities available for children to enjoy, such as exhibitions, galleries, museums and theatres. On the contrary, the country life is simple and monotonous, and children cannot receive a good school education due to the poor teaching facilities and lack of well-trained teachers.

Sophisticated urban life can improve children’s adaptability to society. Let us take a close look at it, we live in a dog-eat-dog competitive city, where survival means staying one-step ahead of the people and technology that are giving chase. As a result, it can help children to form social competition awareness boost their self-realization and self-betterment. In a contrary, children live in country have a slower pace of life, it is hard for them to adapt to complex and fickleness city life.

Taking into account all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that it is a better choice for children to study in cities.

 

[RonBee]

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your last advice, I learned much from it. Then I wrote another article for IELTS, can you help me again? Can you give me a band if it is possible?

Please feel free to post your revisions here. Then I can tell you how well you are doing.

"I wrote another article" is, of course, perfectly grammatical, but it would be better to say "I have written another article", since you are still working on it.

Thanks for the compliment.

(I think you mean "Can you give me a hand?" :wink: )

Topic: Nowadays, some people think the city is no longer a good place for children’s education. They suggest that the country is a better choice. To what extent do you agree with the statement?

That's a good start.

In recent years, cities have been developing at an amazing rate. City life became more and more colorful and complicated. Some people maintain that the city is no longer a good place for children’s education. They suggested that the country is the better choice. I am opposite to it. Personally, I am firmly assured that the city is the better choice.

In the second sentence, say "has become" as you are not talking about just the past but you are talking about the present as much as the past. In the fourth sentence, change "suggested" to "suggest". (Present tense.) Say: "I am opposed to that view." Say: "I am firmly convinced that...." (You don't need "Personally" there.)

It's about your opinion. You don't need to state in the body of the work that it is your opinion.

I'll be back with more later.

 

[RonBee]

The city is the center of culture, communication, transport and trade, gathering the quintessence of this region, which also provides better education system.

• The city is the center of culture, communication, transportation and trade. Also, in the city opportunities for education are better.

Obviously, the city involves more than well-staffed and well-equipped schools, as well as the well-trained professionals, which provides children with a good education school.

• The city has well-staffed and well-equipped schools, but there is more to it than that.

There are also various culture activities organized and more advanced facilities available for children to enjoy, such as exhibitions, galleries, museums and theatres.

• There are various cultural activities and other things for children to enjoy such as exhibitions, galleries, museums and theatres.

On the contrary, the country life is simple and monotonous, and children cannot receive a good school education due to the poor teaching facilities and lack of well-trained teachers.

• In contrast to the city, country life is simple and monotonous, and children cannot receive as good an education there due to poor teaching facilities and lack of well-trained teachers.

Sophisticated urban life can improve children’s adaptability to society.

• Living in an urban environment can improve the ability of children to adapt to change.

Let us take a close look at it, we live in a dog-eat-dog competitive city, where survival means staying one-step ahead of the people and technology that are giving chase. As a result, it can help children to form social competition awareness boost their self-realization and self-betterment. In a contrary, children live in country have a slower pace of life, it is hard for them to adapt to complex and fickleness city life.

I would reword that. For one thing, you have people chasing people and technology chasing people.

Taking into account all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that it is a better choice for children to study in cities.

That's a decent ending.