Assess my essay (recent news story)

Nonverbis

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I'm preparing for the writing section of TOEFL. English is my hobby, I don't have a teacher and I am not a student of any university.

Could you assess my essay? It is question 2 (independent writing). Could you score it 0-5.


What recent news story has affected you the most? In what ways has it affected you? Use reasons and examples to support your response.


Personally speaking, I was more affected by recent anti-COVID measures. The government of Saint Petersburg, the city where I am living, adopted a law that starting from the first of January 2022 access to a lot of facilities is to be only against QR-codes. The QR-codes prove that the person is vaccinated against COVID-19. No commercial company or – if I am not mistaken - even some state institutions will serve a person unless he or she has a valid QR-code. The exceptions are food and drug stores, and the city transport. Organisations have scanners, and the information is validated against a centralized database. If a person is vaccinated, they visit a special web site gosuslugi.ru and download a certificate containing a QR-code and their passport details. And every person must carry his or her passport on them and show if asked. That is done for nobody to use somebody else’s certificate. This new law really influenced me the most, at least much more than any news on politics or economics.

I am vaccinated, and my certivicate is valid throught the January of 2023. But in the end of December I turned 45 and immediately changed my passport, as the law stipulates. The information about my new passport has not yet appeared on gosuslugi.ru, which causes some significant anxiety. The official information is that it takes up to a fortnight for databases to synchronize (the police’s one and that of gosuslugi.ru). But two weeks have passed, and I still can not see my new passport on gosuslugi.ru. I I have applied to their hot line, and they said there is a bag, they are working on it and all I have to do is to wait.

Shops accept my QR-code. But yesterday I visited a state archive. And the thought about whether they would serve me troubled me a lot. Fortunately, everything was fine, and they did not even validate my QR-code. But I am going to visit this archive again in a month. By that time they may be equipped with scanners.
 

99bottles

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Personally speaking, I was more affected the most by the recent anti-COVID measures. The government of Saint Petersburg, the city where I am living live, adopted a law that according to which, (comma) starting from the first of January 2022, (comma) access to a lot of facilities is to be only against permitted only with QR-codes. The QR-codes prove that the person is has been vaccinated against COVID-19. No commercial company or – if I am not mistaken - even some state institutions will serve a person unless he or she has a valid QR-code -- and if I'm not mistaken, this applies even to some state institutions. The exceptions are food and drug stores, and the city transport. Organisations have scanners, and the information is validated against a centralized database. If a person is has been vaccinated, they visit a special web site, (comma) gosuslugi.ru, (comma) and download a certificate containing a QR-code and their passport details. And every person must carry his or her passport on them and show it if asked. That is done for so that nobody to can use somebody else’s certificate. This new law really influenced me the most, at least much more than any news on politics or economics.

I am have been vaccinated, and my certivicate certificate is valid throught the until January of 2023. But in at the end of December, (comma) I turned 45 and immediately changed my passport, as the law stipulates. The information about my new passport has not yet appeared on gosuslugi.ru, which causes is causing me some significant anxiety. The official information is that it takes up to a fortnight for databases to synchronize (the police’s one and that of gosuslugi.ru). But two weeks have passed, and I still can not see my new passport on gosuslugi.ru. I I have applied to their hot line, and they said there is a bag bug, they are working on it and all I have to do is to wait.

Shops accept my QR-code. But yesterday I visited a state archive. And the thought about whether they would serve me troubled me a lot. Fortunately, everything was fine, and they did not even validate my QR-code. But I am going to visit this archive again in a month. By that time, (comma) they may be equipped with scanners.
2/5

A really poor effort. Try harder.
 

jutfrank

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In case it isn't blindingly obvious, 99bottles is not qualified to assess TOEFL writing tasks.

In fact, even those of us who are qualified to assess particular examination tasks are unwilling to do so here on this forum.
 

99bottles

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In case it isn't blindingly obvious, 99bottles is not qualified to assess TOEFL writing tasks.

In fact, even those of us who are qualified to assess particular examination tasks are unwilling to do so here on this forum.
But I put not a teacher in my signature.

Edit: I made my signature bold so that it's more visible.
 

jutfrank

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99bottles

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I know you were only joking with the score and comment in post #2, but that's not obvious to everyone, so don't do it again, please.
Actually, I wasn't. 😅
 

5jj

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Whether you were joking or not, please don't do it again.
 

Tarheel

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For the first sentence, try:

I was highly affected by the recent anti-Covid measures here in St. Petersburg.

Also say:

That is done so nobody can use somebody else's certificate.

What's a QR code?
 
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