At the doctor's

[hela]

Dear teachers,
Here’s a text I tried to translate. I have proposed many translations for several French sentences; would you please tell me which ones fit best? And I would be grateful if you could tell me if the words between parentheses should be added to the translation.
I thank you very much for your patience.

TEXT:
“ Bonjour, jeune homme. Qu’est-ce qui ne va pas?
- Eh bien ! docteur, je me sens fatigué depuis une quinzaine de jours et je ne dors pas très bien.
- Qu’est-ce que vous faites, monsieur ? Vous êtes étudiant ?
- Oui, docteur, et je suis en pleine préparation d’examen.
- Ah ! un peu de surmenage sans doute. Otez votre chemise, je vais vous ausculter. Respirez fort... Vous avez quel âge ?
- Je vais avoir 19 ans.
- Arrêtez de respirer... Vous ne sortez pas trop le soir ?
- Oh non ! docteur, je n’ai pas le temps !
- Toussez... Vous fumez ?
- Oui, un paquet de cigarettes par jour, à peu près.
- Plus ou moins ?
- Eh bien ! quelquefois un peu plus d’un paquet; mais je n’avale pas la fumée.
-C’est trop pour votre âge, croyez-moi. Vous devriez réduire au moins de moitié. Et même si vous pouviez arrêter de fumer ça serait très bien. Votre pouls est un peu lent. Vous faites beaucoup de sport ?
- Oui, en temps ordinaire. De la natation et du volley.
- Montez sur la balance... 60 kg. C’est peu. Vous avez bon appétit?
- Non, on ne peut pas dire ça. »

TRANSLATION :
« Good morning, young man. (1) What seems to be the matter / (2) What’s the matter / (3) What’s wrong?”
“Well, Doctor, I have been feeling tired for the last/past fortnight/fifteen/a couple of days, and
(1) I haven’t been sleeping well / (2) I don’t sleep very well.”
“(1) What do you do (for a living) / (2) What is your occupation, sir? Are you a student?”
“Yes, Doctor, and (1) I am (right) in the middle of my exam revision/preparations / (2) at the moment/presently I am (busy) revising/preparing/getting ready for my exams.”
Oh!/Ah/Eh/Hum hum (?), (1) You must be a little overworked / (2) you must have overworked yourself / (3) A little overworked I suppose / (4) A little overwork, no doubt.
(5) Take off your shirt, I will examine you / (6) Will you take off your shirt, please? I'm going to examine you.
(7) Breathe deeply (please) / (8) Take a deep breath... How old are you?”
“I am (1) going on (for) / (2) nearly nineteen / (3) I'm going to be 19.”
“Hold your breath / Stop breathing... (1) You don’t go out too often at night/in the evening, do you? / (2) Do you often go out in the evening?”
“Oh, no, Doctor, I have no time / don’t have time for that.”
“Cough, (please?)... Do you smoke?”
“Yes, about a pack of cigarettes / one packet a day.”
“More or less?”
“Well, sometimes a little/bit more than one pack / a packet; (but) I don’t inhale (the smoke) (though).” [is it possible to have a semi colon before “but”?]
“That’s/It’s (far) too much for your age, believe me. You should (at least) cut it down (at least) by half (at least) [where should the adverb be placed?]. And if you could stop smoking altogether that would be great/excellent/a very good thing. Your pulse/heart beat is a little slow. Do you exercise a lot / practise a lot of sport?”
“ (1) Yes, I usually/normally do. I swim and play volley ball. / (2) As a rule, yes. Swimming and volley ball.”
“Get on / Step onto the scales (please)... 60 kilos. It’s not much. Do you have a good appetite?”
“No, one/I can’t say (that) I eat a lot / much.”

Hela

 

[Flittle]

Hi Hela,
This is how I would translate it, I would not use a semi colon before the conjunction but.

“Good morning, young man. What seems to be the matter?”
“Well Doctor, I have been feeling tired for the past fortnight and I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“What do you do for a living?” Are you a student?”
“Yes Doctor and at the moment I am busy preparing for my exams”
”Ah! A little overworked I suppose.”
Take off your shirt, I’m going to examine you.
Take a deep breath …..How old are you?”
“I am nearly nineteen.”
“Hold your breath. Do you often go out in the evening?”
“Oh no Doctor, I don’t have the time for that.”
“Cough, …..Do you smoke?”
“Yes, about one packet a day.”
“More or less?”
“Well, sometimes a little bit more than a packet but I don’t inhale.”
“That’s too much for your age, believe me. You should cut it down at least by half and if you could stop smoking altogether, that would be excellent. Your pulse is a little slow. Do you practise a lot of sport?”
“Yes, I usually do. I swim and play volley ball.”
“Step onto the scales …. 60 kilos. It’s not much. Do you have a good appetite?”
“No, I can’t say that I eat a lot.”

Frank