At the party, after winning

[Bassim]

I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

At the party, after winning the championship, the manager stripped to the waist, grabbed the microphone and sang in his hoarse voice.

 

[teechar]

Put "at the party" after "waist."

 

[Bassim]

teechar,
Would this version be OK?

After winning the championship, at the party, the manager stripped to the waist, grabbed the microphone and sang in his hoarse voice.

 

[teechar]

It doesn't flow well.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is his voice hoarse all the time? If so, "his hoarse voice" is OK. If it's only hoarse at the time you're talking about (because, for example, he's been shouting and cheering), use "a hoarse voice".

 

[Bassim]

emsr2d2,

Thank you for your explanation. I didn't know about the difference between "his voice" and "a hoarse voice". His voice was hoarse at the time I am talking about, so it should be "a hoarse voice."

 

[emsr2d2]

Yes, or you could end with "... grabbed the microphone and sang, his voice hoarse."