[Grammar] Being a primary school teacher is such an exhausting job

ambitious-girl

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Is this paragraph correct both grammatically and logically?

Being a primary school teacher is such an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration. To put it another way, this age group is so energetic and active that you need to be at least as dynamic as the students to be able to make them motivated as well as meet their minimum educational requirements.
 
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Lynxear

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Is this paragraph correct both grammatically and logically?

Being a primary school teacher is such an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration. To put it another way, this age group is so energetic and active that you need to be at least as dynamic as the students to be able to make them motivated as well as meet their minimum educational requirements.

Being a primary school teacher is [STRIKE]such[/STRIKE] an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration.

I don't think "such" works in this sentence. I cannot explain exactly why right now but it does not sound right to my ears. Perhaps it is because when I read a sentence with "such a" in it, I expect a reason or strong statement to follow and your sentence ends with just a modifying clause.

That man is such a jerk. I cannot stand his arrogance.

I went to such a great restaurant yesterday. I stuffed myself with delicious food and enjoyed the surroundings with my friends.


[STRIKE]To put it another way, [/STRIKE]this age group is so energetic and active that you need to be at least as dynamic as the students to be able to make them motivated as well as meet their minimum educational requirements.

You use "to put it another way" in a following sentence when the previous sentence is difficult to understand or it needs to be stated in another way for emphasis. What you are doing here is simply adding details, not restating the previous thought in another way.

John is a difficult man to work with. To put it another way, no one wants to form a working partnership with him doing anything.


I would also think about rewriting that sentence, perhaps breaking it into two sentences or rearranging the clauses somehow.



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ambitious-girl

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Thanks Lynxear. That was such informative information about "to put it another way" and "such". That was really helpful.
I would also think about rewriting that sentence, perhaps breaking it into two sentences or rearranging the clauses somehow.
I have made the following changes. Hope this is what you had considered to make.(I also add "will" to the previous sentence)

Being a primary school teacher is an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration. This age group is so energetic and active that you will need to be at least as dynamic as the students. This will possibly make them motivated as well as meet their minimum educational requirements.

Can I use "make" in an academic essay?
 
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Lynxear

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This is much better! The word "make" is fine in this sentence. I think this is ok for use in an academic essay.

Just three adjustments to your work.

Being a primary school teacher is an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration. This age group is so energetic and active that you will need to be at least as dynamic as the students. [strike]This[/strike] will [strike]possibly[/strike] make them motivated as well as meet their minimum educational requirements.

I would remove the word "possibly". It is not a grammar problem. However, what it does is weaken the strength of the sentence. By adding "possibly" to the sentence, you are saying that you think what you are saying is true, but you are not 100% certain of it.

Note that I have highlighted the two sentences starting with the word "this". You should not start two sentences in a row like this. One "this" should be changed and I vote for the second one because the last sentence should be changed.

This will possibly make them motivated as well as meet their minimum educational requirements.

This sentence refers back to the previous sentence where you discuss the need for the teacher to be "dynamic". As you point out, this would keep the children motivated. However "meet their minimum educational requirements" does not relate to being "dynamic". Do you see what I mean? I could be a teacher who was very energetic and dynamic in my approach but fail as a teacher because I did not teach them anything.

What I suggest is that you take that first part of the sentence and create a subordinate clause that would be used in the previous sentence (this also eliminates the second "this" problem). Then write another sentence where you comment on meeting minimum education standards.
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ambitious-girl

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Thanks Lynxear. Thanks for putting your time and effort to make me learn more. I really appreciate it.
What I suggest is that you take that first part of the sentence and create a subordinate clause that would be used in the previous sentence (this also eliminates the second "this" problem). Then write another sentence where you comment on meeting minimum education standards.

Being a primary school teacher is an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration. This age group is so energetic and active that you will need to be at least as dynamic as the students, which will make them motivated. Unlike high school teachers, you will also have to acquire a basic knowledge of all subjects so that you can meet their minimum educational requirements, even though you are taken/required a great deal of time and effort.
 

Lynxear

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Maybe I made a mistake suggesting that you use a subordinate clause. I think this is better.

This age group is so energetic and active that you will need to be at least as dynamic as the students to keep them motivated.

I think you are being to strong against high school teachers here. I don't think you should be making a comparison between them and primary school teachers. They have different jobs to do.

[strike]Unlike high school teachers,[/strike] you will also have to acquire a wide basic knowledge of all subjects so that you can meet their minimum educational requirements[strike], even though you are taken/required a great deal of time and effort[/strike].

The last part is not necessary for your message.

So here is your passage now.

Being a primary school teacher is an exhausting job that requires a lot of concentration. This age group is so energetic and active that you will need to be at least as dynamic as the students to keep them motivated. You will also have to acquire a wide basic knowledge of all subjects so that you can meet their minimum educational requirements.




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