can someone edit my 2 page reflection???

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Anonymous

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here it is, please focus on sentence structure, and grammar please. also concerned with the transition

i did it on double spaced on word but it probably wont show up on this post, if you want the word file..give me your email and ill email you the word doc.
thanx

When we are born, it marks the beginning of a new life. We all grow and change through our lives. I believe that Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory of Development best describes a change in one’s life. Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development starts when you are born till your death. Each stage is characterized by a psychosocial crisis, in which an individual must experience before being fully developed. Each crisis builds on the previous crisis in order to move on. If an individual fails to resolve at a particular crisis, he/she will face more complications in the future. The first crisis, trust vs. mistrust applies to infants who have just been born. These infants rely on their parents for food, shelter, and love. If these needs are met, the infant will gradually start to trust their companions. However, if the opposite has happened, the infant will develop mistrust towards people. The next crisis, autonomy vs. shame and doubt occurs to toddlers that have passed the first stage. This stage focuses on the build up of their basic skills and their self-confidence. If the parent disproves the child’s autonomy, the child will start to lose self-confidence and his/her behavior will also be affected. After that, initiative vs. guilt is the next crisis. It focuses on how the pre-school children are using their basic skills to develop and achieve their goals. The negative outcome of this crisis is that the individual may develop a sense of guilt when they take initiative to achieve the goals.. Once the individual has surpassed the third crisis, he/she must face the fourth crisis, which is industry vs. inferiority. This stage involves the children using their hands to learn such as making things, using tools, and acquiring the necessary skills to obtain success. They will develop an industrious attitude if the requirements are met. On the other hand, if it fails, the child will develop a sense of inferiority and feelings of inadequacy that may haunt them throughout life. The next crisis on the list is identity vs. role confusion. This time, the individual is beginning to have a concern on how they appear to others. In addition, a sense of identity must be achieved or else it will result in role confusion and doubts about sexual identity. In the next crisis, intimacy vs. isolation talks about how an individual must learn how to form an intimate relationship. If he/she avoids these experiences, it will lead to isolation and lack of commitment. The following crisis, generatively vs. stagnation crisis involves the individual is establishing and guiding the next generation. If this is not properly handled, the individual will experience stagnation. Once that crisis is resolved, the last one is integrity vs. despair. If the individual has lived a happy life, he/she will look back with no regrets. However, if the individual life has been miserable, then he/she will regret for not doing the right thing. These eight steps of psychosocial development show the progress of one’s life. As I was reading over the eight steps, it surprised me on how the first five steps really relates to my life. Looking back, the first crisis was really important. Although I don’t remember much, I have seen pictures of myself as an infant in the arms of my parents smiling happy together. This warm feeling brings us together that is inseparable. I still have a strong relationship with my parents so I guess they resolved the crisis without much difficulty. During the second stage, I find it really intriguing because my parents gave me a sense of confidence where I can do anything. I remember the first time I was able to walk. It was really exciting, because I was able to walk by myself without the help of my family members. It was their strength and their encouragement that allowed me to overcome the second crisis. The third stage was even better because I was able to go to school for the first time. My teachers and parents taught me many things at school as well at home. I actually wanted to be an artist when I was young and there was this one incident that I will never forget. I was scribbling on paper with pencil crayons my parents bought for me. After I finished scribbling on the paper, I decided put my creation on the wall. It was pretty fun, because I used different colours to decorate the wall. After my parents found out and disciplined me, I realized that it was wrong to draw on the wall. As a result. I was able to distinguish from what was right and what was wrong. The next crisis was important as well, because school was something that suddenly became important in my life. It is where I was able to master my basic social and academic skills to assist me in the future. I wanted to succeed and live a happy life. The next crisis is by far the hardest one to resolve. Once I stepped into high school, it was a completely different atmosphere that scared me for the first few days. Due to the fact that I moved to a new neighborhood, I felt that making new friends was my number one priority. Appearance was very important to me when I first started my high school years. In addition, I had a lot of questions when I was in high school such as my desired career path in the future. However, after exploring my options and discovering what I really wanted to do, I felt more refreshed than I was before. So far, I have been able to complete 5 stages of the psychosocial theory of development. After glancing through the next three stages, I knew that I didn’t make the wrong decision in choosing Erikson’s theory over Freud’s theory. I was brought up in a culture where I should be able to find a wife and have kids so that my generation will continue. I also can’t imagine myself being single forever because there will be so many things that I will be missing out such as having kids! Moreover, I agree with Erikson on how he said that the generative person should help guide the next generation. Once you get older, you have to use your knowledge to enlighten the young one’s because the future belongs to them now. I also liked how the last crisis talked about whether an individual had a successful life or not. Once you get to a certain age, you look back to see whether your life was a success or a failure. I just hope that when I get to that certain age, I will be satisfied with my life. That way I can leave the world with no regrets.
 

Tdol

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I'm afraid the text is very hard to read. Also, it is rather long.

Here's a start:
When we are born, it marks the beginning of a new life. We all grow and change through our lives. I believe that Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory of Development best describes a change in one’s life. Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development starts when you are born till your death.

1- Don't mix you and one as pronouns. Use either, but do it consistantly. Eight stages would make the verb 'start' plural and start does not go with the phrase coming after it. ;-)
 

RonBee

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Re:
  • Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development starts when you are born till your death.

Better:
  • Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development starts at birth and ends at death.

It would be easier to read your text if you had used more white space. Make some paragraphs!

:)
 

Tdol

Editor, UsingEnglish.com
Staff member
Joined
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Member Type
English Teacher
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British English
Home Country
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Each stage is characterized by a psychosocial crisis, in which an individual must experience before being fully developed.

Delete IN
How about 'must experience to be fullydeveloped'? ;-)
 
T

tofu

Guest
ok i kind of made it easier to read by double spaceing it


When we are born, it marks the beginning of a new life. We all grow

and change through our lives. I believe that Erikson’s Psychosocial

Theory of Development best describes a change in one’s life. Erikson’s

eight stages of psychosocial development starts when you are born till

your death. Each stage is characterized by a psychosocial crisis, in which

an individual must experience before being fully developed. Each crisis

builds on the previous crisis in order to move on. If an individual fails to

resolve at a particular crisis, he/she will face more

complications in the future. The first crisis, trust vs. mistrust applies to

infants who have just been born. These infants rely on their parents for

food, shelter, and love. If these needs are met, the infant will gradually

start to trust their companions. However, if the opposite has happened,

the infant will develop mistrust towards people. The next crisis, autonomy

vs. shame and doubt occurs to toddlers that have passed the first stage.

This stage focuses on the build up of their basic skills and their self-

confidence. If the parent disproves the child’s autonomy, the child will

start to lose self-confidence and his/her behavior will also be affected.

After that, initiative vs. guilt is the next crisis. It focuses on how the pre-

school children are using their basic skills to develop and achieve their

goals. The negative outcome of this crisis is that the individual may

develop a sense of guilt when they take initiative to achieve the goals..

Once the individual has surpassed the third crisis, he/she must face the

fourth crisis, which is industry vs. inferiority. This stage involves the

children using their hands to learn such as making things, using tools, and

acquiring the necessary skills to obtain success. They will develop an

industrious attitude if the requirements are met. On the other hand, if it

fails, the child will develop a sense of inferiority and feelings of

inadequacy that may haunt them throughout life. The next crisis on the

list is identity vs. role confusion. This time, the individual is beginning to

have a concern on how they appear to others. In addition, a sense of

identity must be achieved or else it will result in role confusion and doubts

about sexual identity. In the next crisis, intimacy vs. isolation talks about

how an individual must learn how to form an intimate relationship. If

he/she avoids these experiences, it will lead to isolation and lack of

commitment. The following crisis, generatively vs. stagnation crisis

involves the individual is establishing and guiding the next generation. If

this is not properly handled, the individual will experience stagnation.

Once that crisis is resolved, the last one is integrity vs. despair. If the

individual has lived a happy life, he/she will look back with no regrets.

However, if the individual life has been miserable, then he/she will regret

for not doing the right thing. These eight steps of psychosocial

development show the progress of one’s life. As I was reading over the

eight steps, it surprised me on how the first five steps really relates to my

life. Looking back, the first crisis was really important. Although I don’t

remember much, I have seen pictures of myself as an infant in the arms

of my parents smiling happy together. This warm feeling brings us

together that is inseparable. I still have a strong relationship with my

parents so I guess they resolved the crisis without much difficulty. During

the second stage, I find it really intriguing because my parents gave me a

sense of confidence where I can do anything. I remember the first time I

was able to walk. It was really exciting, because I was able to walk by

myself without the help of my family members. It was their strength and

their encouragement that allowed me to overcome the second crisis. The

third stage was even better because I was able to go to school for the

first time. My teachers and parents taught me many things at school as

well at home. I actually wanted to be an artist when I was young and

there was this one incident that I will never forget. I was scribbling on

paper with pencil crayons my parents bought for me. After I finished

scribbling on the paper, I decided put my creation on the wall. It was

pretty fun, because I used different colours to decorate the wall. After my

parents found out and disciplined me, I realized that it was wrong to draw

on the wall. As a result. I was able to distinguish from what was right and

what was wrong. The next crisis was important as well, because school

was something that suddenly became important in my life. It is where I

was able to master my basic social and academic skills to assist me in the

future. I wanted to succeed and live a happy life. The next crisis is by far

the hardest one to resolve. Once I stepped into high school, it was a

completely different atmosphere that scared me for the first few days.

Due to the fact that I moved to a new neighborhood, I felt that making

new friends was my number one priority. Appearance was very

important to me when I first started my high school years. In addition, I

had a lot of questions when I was in high school such as my desired

career path in the future. However, after exploring my options and

discovering what I really wanted to do, I felt more refreshed than I was

before. So far, I have been able to complete 5 stages of the psychosocial

theory of development. After glancing through the next three stages, I

knew that I didn’t make the wrong decision in choosing Erikson’s theory

over Freud’s theory. I was brought up in a culture where I should be able

to find a wife and have kids so that my generation will continue. I also

can’t imagine myself being single forever because there will be so many

things that I will be missing out such as having kids! Moreover, I agree

with Erikson on how he said that the generative person should help guide

the next generation. Once you get older, you have to use your knowledge

to enlighten the young one’s because the future belongs to them now. I

also liked how the last crisis talked about whether an individual had a

successful life or not. Once you get to a certain age, you look back to see

whether your life was a success or a failure. I just hope that when I get

to that certain age, I will be satisfied with my life. That way I can leave

the world with no regrets.
 

RonBee

Moderator
Joined
Feb 9, 2003
Member Type
Other
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
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Re:
  • Each crisis builds on the previous crisis in order to move on. If an individual fails to resolve at a particular crisis, he/she will face more
    complications in the future.
I am not sure what in order to move on adds to the first sentence. I would delete it. In the second sentence, delete at.

Re:
  • The first crisis, trust vs. mistrust applies to infants who have just been born. These infants rely on their parents for food, shelter, and love.
In the first sentence, replace infants who have just been born with infants or newborns.

Re:
  • If these needs are met, the infant will gradually start to trust their companions.
Better:
  • If those needs are met the infant learns to trust its caregivers.

Starting to do something is not a goal or an endpoint of anything. (Also, you can't gradually start something.) You are not making predictions but talking about general circumstances. Infants don't have companions. (Note the problem in number agreement in the original sentence.)

:)

Re:
  • However, if the opposite has happened, the infant will develop mistrust towards people.
Try:
  • However, if the opposite happens the infant develops mistrust towards people.

Re:
  • The next crisis, autonomy vs. shame and doubt occurs to toddlers that have passed the first stage.
Are there toddlers that don't pass the first stage? What happens to them?

:)

Re:
  • This stage focuses on the build up of their basic skills and their self-
    confidence.
The word focus doesn't work very well there. (People focus, not stages.) Perhaps:
  • During this stage they learn basic skills and develop confidence in themselves.

What do you think?

:)
 

RonBee

Moderator
Joined
Feb 9, 2003
Member Type
Other
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
tofu said:
If the parent disproves the child’s autonomy, the child will

start to lose self-confidence and his/her behavior will also be affected.

I am not sure what you mean by "disproves" there. "Disapproves of"?

What word might you use instead of "disproves"?

:)
 
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