Can Someone help me with this thank you <3

Venus_hsv

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Dear Dr. xxxx

Thank you for your guidance, I am at the beginning of the path way towards achieving my goal of becoming an excellent scientist and your letter gave so much confidence. I really appreciate this and I look forward to Email Dr. Mantegazza and also look through programs in Thomas Jefferson University.
As a bachelor student I always seek for science and I found myself capable to work in different kind of projects, therefore I am also interested in “Biochemistry and Molecular Biophysics” and “Cell and Molecular Biology”. This semester I took pharmacology and toxicology courses, they’ve gotten their own difficulties but I am sure I can handle them and get a good GPA.
Thank you for allowing me to demonstrate my strengths by delivering a presentation this Fall/Winter. I was wondering if we could set up an appointment to give a presentation on a specific subject.

Thank you for your time and have a great day.
Sincerely,
 
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5jj

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Re: Can Someone help me with this ASAP

Please don't ask for help ASAP. The people who respond here are giving up their free time to volunteer help. They don't appreciate being asked to do the job quickly.
 

Venus_hsv

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Re: Can Someone help me with this ASAP

OK then,
Everyone! take your time, that will be so nice of you consider this as well

Sincerely,
Venus
 

probus

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Re: Can Someone help me with this ASAP

OK then, everyone! Take your time. That will be so nice of you.

Sincerely,
Venus

Please see my corrections above.
 

emsr2d2

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Dear Dr. xxxx

Thank you for your guidance. I am at the beginning of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] my [STRIKE]path way[/STRIKE] journey towards achieving my goal of becoming an excellent scientist and your letter gave me [STRIKE]so much[/STRIKE] a lot of confidence. I really appreciate this and I look forward to emailing Dr. Mantegazza and [STRIKE]also[/STRIKE] to looking through the programs [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] at Thomas Jefferson University.

As a bachelor student, I always seek for science and I [STRIKE]found myself[/STRIKE] am [STRIKE]capable[/STRIKE] able to work [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] on different kinds of projects. Therefore, I am also interested in “Biochemistry and Molecular Biophysics” and “Cell and Molecular Biology”. This semester, I took pharmacology and toxicology courses. [STRIKE]They’ve gotten[/STRIKE] They present their own [STRIKE]difficulties[/STRIKE] challenges but I am sure I can handle them and get a good GPA.

Thank you for allowing me to demonstrate my strengths by delivering a presentation this fall/winter. I was wondering if we could set up an appointment for me to give a presentation on a specific subject.

Thank you for your time and have a great day.

Sincerely,

See my corrections above. I don't know what you mean by the blue, underlined part.

Remember that after "I look forward to", you need the -ing form of a verb.

In this post, and in a previous one (I think), you used "so" instead of "very/a lot of". Reserve "so" for phrases like "I am so tired that I could sleep for a week". Don't use it as an intensifier.
 

Venus_hsv

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Thank you.
What do you think about this one:Thank you for the information about your programs. I would like to pursue the PhD program in immunobiology for Fall 2022. Please allow me to introduce myself.

I am in the third year of my Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science program. I have an excellent medical education and extensive training in laboratory tests. My aim is to gain comprehensive and in-depth training in fundamental and clinical immunology from the world’s leading immunologists as well as to have hands-on experience in research on cancer immunotherapy. I believe the best way to achieve this is by going to the USA and especially my dream university, Yale.


In my previous letter, I mentioned the work about natural killer lines and clones with apparent antigen specificity because I have read your articles and I found this subject very interesting. However, I would be interested in working in any aspect of immunology.


I would like to demonstrate my strengths by delivering a presentation on any article that you recommend. I would be grateful if you could suggest a time for me to do this that would be convenient to you. Thank you for your consideration.
 

TheParser

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Please allow me to introduce myself.

NOT A TEACHER


That sentence really stood out for me. My teachers reminded me to be concise in writing. There is no need to waste paper and the reader's time by telling him/her/them what you are going to do. Just introduce yourself without asking for permission.
 

Venus_hsv

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Well! That's definitely true, but I said that because of what he told me in the previous email that he sent me he wanted me to clarify something for him, I was trying to be polite and formal(It looks like an excuse for me too). Thank you for your help, I'll consider it for sure. He accepted me BTW :-D
 
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