[Essay] Can u please check my personal statement, urgently i need urs assistant

ruslan

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Jun 16, 2020
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When i was a little boy, I've been very interested in why one person's abilities can be much more than another person's, and a little bit of growing up I found out that there is such a thing as "money", and then everything fell into place - I realized that if a person has a lot of knowledge, or a lot of talent, or just his family has more money than the other person's, he is likely to be higher than he is in society. Realizing this, I decided that I wanted to work hard to get myself up the social ladder and give my descendants more opportunities than I had.


During my life I had to change 9 schools, because my family changed their place of residence very often, because my parents work on humanitarian missions. But I have never had much trouble getting into a new team because I find it very easy to get along with people, and I even felt good about being friends with different people. In junior high everything was great, because I was very easy to study, and I was quite popular in my school. This trend continued until the end of the middle classes: there began the transition age, problems with parents, the desire for independent life, the first attempts to earn money. With a friend, I was brought a pretty solid sum at the time, and that was another factor in my growing up. By the beginning of high school, I was combining study with work, and I loved it. Even though my academic performance has dropped, I always knew that I could pass the final exams quite easily, because I can easily study.


By the final grade I had problems from the very beginning: because my parents applied for a visa late, I had to wait several months for my passport and go to study in Moscow. Luckily I found an international school, and by the end of November I am entering it, studying for 2 weeks and getting used to the new people and the new school, and then the holidays come, and after them exams, which I was not ready for because of my ignorance. But good thing I learned that they will be in a few days, and at least I could write a relatively good score a couple of tests, and good to pass 1 subject. In the end, however, I failed 2 subjects as a result of all the tests, but I was not surprised, because I was at school quite recently, and even provided that I missed almost everything I had to learn 2 years I was able to write a few units on one of the best scores in my class, and from February I start to prepare hard for the final exams. But because of the pandemic, I realize that all my efforts are in vain, because I will not be able to pass the exam, because of the decision of Cie, where it was written that my final grades are based on what I received for several years. As a result, I decide to accept this and try to prove myself either at the entrance exams or at the university itself.


In conclusion, I'd like to mention a couple of my achievements and personal qualities: I've been playing sports most of my life and I have a couple of triple awards in football and martial arts; during my life in Paris, I managed to earn enough to bring one of my business ideas to life; I'm an extrovert by nature and I like to communicate with people and also play musical instruments.
 

teechar

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Iraq
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Were you given any guidelines: word count, areas to cover?
What's the application deadline?
 

emsr2d2

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British English
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UK
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Can you please check my personal statement? I urgently [STRIKE]i[/STRIKE] need [STRIKE]urs[/STRIKE] your [STRIKE]assistant[/STRIKE] assistance.


Please note my corrections to your title.

Always capitalise the word "I".
Don't use non-standard abbreviations such "u" and "ur".
Remember to punctuate appropriately.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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The title and text seem to be written by two different people. Were they?
 

tedmc

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Apr 16, 2014
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Interested in Language
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Chinese
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Malaysia
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Malaysia
When i was a little boy, I[STRIKE]'ve been[/STRIKE] was very interested in why one person's abilities can be much [STRIKE]more[/STRIKE] better than another person's, and after a little bit of growing up, I found out that there is such a thing as "money", and then everything fell into place. I realized that if a person has a lot of knowledge, or a lot of talent, or just his family has more money than the other person's, he is likely to be higher [STRIKE]than he is[/STRIKE] in status in society. Realizing this, I decided [STRIKE]that I wanted [/STRIKE]to work hard to get myself up the social ladder and give my descendants more opportunities than I had.

My shot at the second paragraph.
 

Tarheel

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Jun 16, 2014
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American English
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United States
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United States
So why do one person's abilities differ from those of another? Are we born different?
 

Tarheel

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Jun 16, 2014
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Interested in Language
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American English
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United States
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United States
Try:

I had to change schools nine times because we moved so often.
 
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