can you please correct?

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francycham

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Joined
Mar 25, 2009
Member Type
Other
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
United Arab Emirates
I want to write a letter to manager requesting to change the profession of one of our employees in his ID card- see below.

This is to inform you that our Driver Mr...facing difficulties to access into the major oil and gas companies for vehicle exchange and delivery because of his ID shows his profession is a labourer. Therefore, may I kindly request you to do the needful to change his position in the ID card as a Driver.
 

HotnSexy

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Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
I want to write a letter to manager requesting to change the profession of one of our employees in his ID card- see below.

This is to inform you that our Driver Mr...facing difficulties to access into the major oil and gas companies for vehicle exchange and delivery because of his ID shows his profession is a labourer. Therefore, may I kindly request you to do the needful to change his position in the ID card as a Driver.

Straight to the point ->

Dear X,

This is to inform you that Mr...is facing difficulties to access into the major oil and gas companies for vehicle exchange and delivery. His ID shows his profession as a laborer and I kindly would like to request some needful changes on his position in the ID card as a Driver.

Sincerely, Thank you.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
I want to write a letter to manager requesting to change the profession of one of our employees in his ID card- see below.

This is to inform you that our Driver Mr...facing difficulties to access into the major oil and gas companies for vehicle exchange and delivery because of his ID shows his profession is a labourer. Therefore, may I kindly request you to do the needful to change his position in the ID card as a Driver.

This is to inform you that our driver, Mr ...., is facing difficulties in accessing the major oil and gas companies for vehicle exchanges and deliveries, because his ID shows his profession as "Labourer". Please make the necessary changes to his ID card, to show his profession as "Driver".

I have marked the punctuation and capitalisation/non-capitalisation in red, and I have underlined the main changes.
 
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