Can you reveiw my thesis statement

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Jason7377

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I'm doing a project on Economic disparity, development, and why there is so much poverty.

This is my thesis statement:

"Economic disparity and development is the driving force behind all poverty, along with the dangerously augmenting world population, as it draws its roots from economic, climatic, and naturalistic means within a dangerous poverty cycle."

can you tell me if it is grammatically correct? Thanks. God Bless.
 

tedtmc

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I'm doing a project on Economic disparity, development, and why there is so much poverty.

This is my thesis statement:

"Economic disparity and development is the driving force behind all poverty, along with the dangerously augmenting world population, as it draws its roots from economic, climatic, and naturalistic means within a dangerous poverty cycle."

can you tell me if it is grammatically correct? Thanks. God Bless.

"It" is ambiguous. What does it refer to? Economic disparity and development? Dangerously augmenting world population?

I would prefer 'root cause' to 'driving force' to describe 'economic disparity and development'.

not a teacher
 

Jason7377

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Yes, thank you for you input; you were right on. It was very ambiguous. I changed it to something that was simple and to the point.
 

Barb_D

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Development is a cause of poverty?

That and economic disparity are two forces, if so.

But is it accurate to say "Economic disparity drives poverty? Is it not a symptom or result?
 
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