changes in my conclusion!

[Elize25000]

Can u read it and tell if there is anything wrong grammatically?
Thanks so muc for ur help !!

I wanna change few things actually! Tell me if it is grammatically correct! THANKS


I am optimistic about the future. Maybe one reason why I am optimistic is because I have just come back from Brazil. Brazil has its problems and racism does exist in Brazil like everywhere you go, but its people, however, do not discriminate. There are so many different religions, different cultures, traditions, so many types of skin's color. It is a very diverse and cosmopolitan place where differences are completely accepted, where people tend to be very curious and interested in strangers. We definitevely have lots of things to learn from it.

Concerning Europe, and particularly England, it will still face a number of challenges, and we will have to do our best to deal with our identities, to know ourselves better in order to be able to cope with others, be they black or white, from different cultures or religions, because I agree with Aimé Césaire that ‘‘ it is good to place different civilizations in contact with each other; that whatever its own particular genius may be, a civilization that withdraws into itself atrophies; that for civilizations, exchange is oxygen…”

 

[Tullia]

Can you read it and say if there is anything wrong grammatically?
Thanks so much for your help!!

I want to change few things actually! Tell me if it is grammatically correct! THANKS

I am optimistic about the future. Maybe one reason why I am optimistic is because I have just come back from Brazil. Brazil has its problems and racism does exist in Brazil like everywhere you go, but its people, [STRIKE]however,[/STRIKE] do not discriminate. There are [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] many different religions, different cultures, traditions, [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] and many types of skin[STRIKE]'s[/STRIKE] colour. It is a very diverse and cosmopolitan place where differences are completely accepted[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] and where people tend to be very curious and interested in strangers. We definite[STRIKE]ve[/STRIKE]ly have lots of things to learn from it.

[STRIKE]Concerning [/STRIKE] When it comes to Europe, and particularly England, [STRIKE]it [/STRIKE]we [STRIKE]will [/STRIKE]still face a number of challenges, and we [STRIKE]will [/STRIKE]have to do our best to deal with our identities, and to know ourselves better in order to be able to cope with others, be they black or white, or from different cultures or religions, because I agree with Aimé Césaire that ‘‘it is good to place different civilizations in contact with each other; that whatever its own particular genius may be, a civilization that withdraws into itself atrophies; that for civilizations, exchange is oxygen…”.


I hope my suggestions help. Overall, I think it was very good :up: - but that last sentence is very long. Maybe you could think about breaking it into two sentences instead?

 

[Elize25000]

thanks a lot!! I ll try to make two sentences ;-)