composition opinion about education

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jvaldelv

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Could you correct this composition, please?

What is your opinion about education nowadays?
(80 - 100 words)

Education is very important nowadays in our society. In industrialized countries, jobs are very complex and people have to study a lot of years and very often they should have a training in technology.
Fifty years ago, our society was very different. Most people just needed a basic education.
Generally, with a good education people can have a good job and a better salary. If they are lucky they can work in something they like.
In conclusion, I think that education is important because it can help people to live better.
 

RonBee

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jvaldelv said:
Education is very important nowadays in our society. In industrialized countries, jobs are very complex and people have to study a lot of years and very often they should have a training in technology.

Do they have to study for a number of years or for a long time or what? (You can't study years.) They need to have training (not "a training") in what kind of technology? Computer technology?



jvaldelv said:
Fifty years ago, our society was very different. Most people just needed a basic education.

For what purpose did they need that education?

jvaldelv said:
Generally, with a good education people can have a good job and a better salary. If they are lucky they can work in something they like. In conclusion, I think that education is important because it can help people to live better.

They can get a good job if they have acquired a good education? Can they find work doing something they like? Education will help people to live better what? (You don't really need "In conclusion" there except to increase your word count.)

:)
 

jvaldelv

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Is this better?

Education is very important nowadays in our society. In industrialized countries, jobs are very complex and people have to study for a long time and very often they should have training in computer technology.
Fifty years ago, our society was very different. Most people to have a job just needed a basic education.
Generally, people who have university studies have access to better jobs and better salaries. Moreover, they can often choose to work in something they like. I think that education is important because it can help people to have a better standard of life.
 

RonBee

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Re: Is this better?

jvaldelv said:
Education is very important nowadays in our society. In industrialized countries, jobs are very complex and people have to study for a long time and very often they should have training in computer technology.
Fifty years ago, our society was very different. Most people to have a job just needed a basic education.
Generally, people who have university studies have access to better jobs and better salaries. Moreover, they can often choose to work in something they like. I think that education is important because it can help people to have a better standard of life.

That's better, but I do have a couple of suggestions.

Say get a job.

Say people who have gone to college or people who have studied at university.

Say better standard of living or better quality of life.

:)
 
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