Correcting Sentences

[Hong Kong Chinese]

I need the answers of the re-phrasing the following sentences, which have been re-written by me for comparing at other webpage of which the webmaster is acquainted by me.


Having just finished college myself, I can testify that mental discipline is the greatest asset a college student can have while he's at school.

Probably the Encyclopedia Britannica would provide one with the choicest information since it spends almost five pages expounding upon Shelley.

There is no doubt that Ellen looked as though she were not feeling well.

In my opinion it is not an incorrect assumption that he is wrong.

At an early stage in his career, Pete Rose met a coach who kept urging him to go and analyze his motions while he was up at the plate.

I hope that I can learn real English in this forum. Thanks a lot for your help in advance.

 

[RonBee]

Having just finished college myself, I can testify that mental discipline is the greatest asset a college student can have while he's at school.

• Having just finished college myself, I can testify that mental discipline is the greatest asset a college student can have.

You don't need those last four words.

Probably the Encyclopedia Britannica would provide one with the choicest information since it spends almost five pages expounding upon Shelley.

• The Encyclopedia Britannica is one of the most useful encyclopedias. An example of that is the five pages devoted to Shelly.

There is no doubt that Ellen looked as though she were not feeling well.

• Ellen looked like she wasn't feeling very well.

In my opinion it is not an incorrect assumption that he is wrong.

• I am sure I am right that he is wrong. :wink:

(The original sentence is not incorrect.)

At an early stage in his career, Pete Rose met a coach who kept urging him to go and analyze his motions while he was up at the plate.

• At an early stage in his career, Pete Rose met a coach who urged him to analyze his batting swing with the aim to improving his hitting.

The original sentence seemed to be saying Rose should do the analyzing while he was at the plate.

 

[RonBee]

I need the answers of the re-phrasing the following sentences, which have been re-written by me for comparing at other webpage of which the webmaster is acquainted by me.

• That would be better as two sentences. Perhaps:
  I have revised the following sentences for an acquaintance of mine who is a wembmaster at another forum. Please suggest possible additional revisions.

What do you think?

 

[Hong Kong Chinese]

Ronbee

Ronbee,

Thanks a lot of for your assistance and I worked like a dog for the past week, therefore I am sorry for the late reply. Here are my (by Ha Ha) re-phrased sentences – link: http://www.hkedcity.net/ihouse_tool...rum_id=83060&current_page=2&i=462431&t=462078.

Please also comment on those!

The Encyclopedia Britannica is one of the most useful encyclopedias. An example of that is the five pages devoted to Shelly.

One thing I don’t understand is that ‘Encyclopedia Britannica’ is a proper name.
Should we still put an article ‘the’ before it?

A thousand thanks to you is not enough!

 

[RonBee]

It's hard to say why we say the Encyclopedia Britannica. An explanation eludes me at the present time. In any case, I do not think it would be wrong to leave it (the) out.

As for:

• There is no doubt that Ellen looked as though she were not feeling well

The best rewrite: Ellen definitely does not look well. (Even better than mine.)

They did okay with a couple of the sentences, but with the others they did not know what was wrong with them. (Texan Belle did the best rewrites.)

Discipline is the ability to stick to a task without allowing anything to distract you from what you are trying to accomplish. The word mental in mental discipline is almost superfluous, but it is used, I think, because we are talking about an activity that is mostly mental, like studying.

 

[Nkhan]

Hello everyone.
I had a doubt regarding a sentence.

"My hair are growing long."

or will this be stated as

"My hair is growing long."

Please respond soon,
Thank you.

 

[bhaisahab]

Hello everyone.
I had a doubt regarding a sentence.

"My hair are growing long."

or will this be stated as

"My hair is growing long."

Please respond soon,
Thank you.

"Hair" is uncountable. "My hair is growing/getting long" is correct.