Could anybody kindly proofread and give me some ideas on my poem and my short essay?

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Shan_november

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My teacher said I have problem with my literary expression, could any of you give me some ideas/advises for improvement? I would be very appreciated!! Here is my one short essay and one poem: (criticisms are welcome~~)


Why do you believe Hughes chose this object for comparison?

I believe Hughes did an incredible job as to use a staircase to symbolize his mother’s life. The imagery and the symbol of the staircase use in this poem strongly suggest hardships and persistency.
In the poem, the mother illustrates her life as a staircase. However, her life is not as smooth and beautiful as a “crystal stair”, which she cannot fulfil her each step effortlessly. Indeed, her life is like a staircase that has “tacks in it” and “splinters” and “boards torn up”. Thus, I associate these descriptions with obstacles that are hard to face and sometimes, they might hurt. Also, she describes that “places with no carpet on the floor” make me think of the society or her life did not bring her any warmth. For the reason that she persevere her hardship, she educates her son not to give up easily. She says: “So boy, don’t you turn back” and “Don’t you set down on the steps”. She suggests to her son that each step of life’s journey takes a lot of effort and courage.
This poem conveys perfectly what the poet’s feelings and I was deeply impressed with the usage of the imagery and the symbol. I cannot think of any other subjects to best describes the mother’s life other than a staircase when she is “still climbing”. From what I have learn in this poem, I would not let difficulty discourages me.




Winter

The winter is sad
Everyone treats her bad
When she sheds her white tears
Everyone leaves her alone with fears

Oh Winter is coming, winter is coming
The birds are no longer singing
But the fierce windows are complaining
The fragile flowers and leaves are died
Even the unyielding grasses don’t want to survive

Poor winter, poor winter
She cries and howls
Although the old trees that did not hide,
But they quiver.


How do you think about my poem? Does it sound right? (my first personification poem, homework) :oops::-D:lol:
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Shan_november

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Dec 6, 2007
Member Type
Student or Learner
Hi, RedMtl
Thank you very much for your valuable advice, I would love to have you help me with my usage of words. However, is it possible for you to give me some ideas on choosing appropriate words? (sorry that i cannot send u private msg since i'm new here and i need to have at least 10 posts before I use this feature.) I'm eager to learn English.... thanks...:oops:;-):roll:​
 
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