could you please review my essay?

[netalum]

I have an english exam this tuesday, the exam is made of an unseen task and a writing task, i was pracitiong for a while.
could you please, give me some major punctuation tips, some grammer tips and check my essay?

Many gadgets and electronic devices play an important part in our lives. Some of them became vital. A big amount of people find it hard to imagine their lives with no cell-phones or without the tv. I would not be able to live without the internet.

Ever since i have learned how to use the internet, it is almost impossible for me to get along without it. First of all, since I am a wporking person, I do not have the time to watch the news programs on ttv. I use the net for that purpose. I have found it possible to read specific articles that I was intersted in without buying the whole newspaper.

Moreover, most of my communication with my employers is done by emails. I need this device in order to write them a letter, build my working scheule. In some cases I use the internet to reach different kinds of information. I usually look for information about medicine, films about trauma injuries. It is hard to find this information elsewhere.

In addition, my brother lives in America. We had found it hard to commnicate by post since it took a lot of time for letters to arive to ones house. Talking on the phone is almost impossible due to the time difference. The internet was the perfect solution for us. We send pictures, emails, these actions are complete by a couple of seconds.

To sum up, the internet is a vital device in the lives of many people. I am defenetly one of those people. It seems so hard to imagine how people could live without it before. It is even harder to understand how many people live without it today.


thats the essay..
your opinion is so important for me.
could you, please also add some examples of suffixes, such as In addition, Moreover, however. any other words that could make the passage higher languege.

 

[namthao]

Hello Netalum,

By correcting your assay, I also learn English from you, so I give you my opinion that don't humble yourself, please.
First I will try to correct your technical writing, but I don't want to touch your ideas until they are not clear. Otherwise I try to keep your style writing as I can.

Many gadgets and electronic devices play an important part (role) in our lives, and some of them become vital. (A big amount of) Most people find it hard to imagine their lives with no cell-phones or without the tv. Otherwise, I would not be able to live without the internet.

Ever since I have learned how to use the internet, it is almost impossible for me to get along without it. First of all, since I am a working person, I do not have the time to watch the news programs on tv., so I use the net for that purpose. I have found it possible to read specific articles that I was intersted in without buying the whole newspapers.

Moreover, most of my communication (with my employers) in my company is done by emails. I (need this device) use the internet in order to write them a letter and (build) make my working schedule. In some other cases, I use the internet to (reach) research the different kinds of information (I usually look for information) such as about medicine, films about trauma injuries. . . . Without internet, it is hard to find this information elsewhere.

In addition, my brother lives in America, and (What different meaning for this sentence if you would use "present tense " in this sentence) we had found it hard to communicate by post since it took a lot of time for letters to arive to ones house. Talking on the phone is almost impossible due to the time difference. The internet was the perfect solution for us such as we send pictures and emails, and these actions are complete by a couple of seconds.

To sum up, the internet is a vital device in the lives of many people. I am defenetly?? one of those people. It seems so hard to imagine how people could live without it before. It is even harder to understand how many people live without it today.

After reading your assay, I have learned that your topic is "the usefulness of internet". First, you have performed the assay with introduction, three main ideas to support topic and final thought. Personally, I give you another option about three main ideas, and I hope you will develop and give more details to support them.
- Internet is the most important and useful role in communication: the communication between you and your brother and employer to employee in company . . . .
- Most people enjoy entertainment on internet: watching movies, sports, musics . . . . in youtube, and people may learn about the world what happen when reading the news . . . . .

- The internet is helpful in study: research information for homework . . . . .

- Final thought: (pick up three main ideas above and add up) by using internet people save a lot of money and time : How much did it cost if you send the letter from you to your brother and and how long would it take?
How much did it cost for the company when employer send some information to employees? When the internet came out, it saved that cost.

Remember! this is my opinion that may help you as I hope. Otherwise, judge it yourself.
Good luck,

Nam Thao

 

[netalum]

hi, Nam Thao!

Thanks for replying. It is so important.
I needed to write an assay about some electronic device or a gudget that i cannot live without, personally me.

Do you mind to reply any more assays, i had so much and nop one to check them.

Some comments: first, you cannot use , before the word "and"
otherwise means- in a different case or you can use it as the word besides...