difficulties in translation

[Anonymous]

BGstudent: Hello, dear moderators! I found this site by chance and I'm very glad that it exists. I am a Bulgarian student in English language and literature and I am preparing for my state exam. I have translated some excerpts from Bulgarian books but I am not quite sure that the meaning in English is quite clear. Would you check them?

1. Very often when a fatal accident tears the calm rosary of the human days, suddenly and irretrievably everything become perplexed: the beads unstring, scatter and intermingle; then a person stands hopelessly among them unable to establish order in this chaos, which befell him unexpectedly. And the things would be the same in the present story, which drew our attention, if it was a story like all the others. But if it was a story like all the others- would it be of interest and what would be the need of relating it.

2.(On) the next morning whileI was still in bed I read Irina's letter. She sent it in spring and I always carry it in me. OR She had sent it in spring and I always carried in me.
It seems that she didn't write at once, she was forced to interrupt it. And perhaps, she didn't want to hurry through, she thought over it longer. And not only because of the importance of what she had wanted to tell me rather that it was pleasure for her to talk to me longer.

BGstudent: Except the first sentence I am not sure which tense is better to use- Present Simple or Past Perfect?

 

[MikeNewYork]

BGstudent: Hello, dear moderators! I found this site by chance and I'm very glad that it exists. I am a Bulgarian student in English language and literature and I am preparing for my state exam. I have translated some excerpts from Bulgarian books but I am not quite sure that the meaning in English is quite clear. Would you check them?

Welcome to our forum. We are here to help you.

1. Very often when a fatal accident tears the calm rosary of the human days, suddenly and irretrievably everything become perplexed: the beads unstring, scatter and intermingle; then a person stands hopelessly among them unable to establish order in this chaos, which befell him unexpectedly. And the things would be the same in the present story, which drew our attention, if it was a story like all the others. But if it was a story like all the others- would it be of interest and what would be the need of relating it.

I am not enthusiastic about the rosary metaphor. However, if one intends to use it, it needs an opening statement. Normally, I would try to preserve mosty of your own words, but I can't do that in this case. Please excuse my extensive paraphrasing.

A human life is a series of days, strung out like the beads of a rosary. One day leads to the next without significant interruption. However, when a fatal accident takes a loved one from us, the rosary is suddenly broken, and the beads separate, scatter, and intermingle. The survivor stands hopelessly among the beads, unable to re-establish order from the chaos that suddenly befell him. The situation would be the same in the present story, which drew our attention, if it were a story like all the others. But, if it were like all the others, would it be of interest to us? Would it be worth telling?

2.(On) the next morning whileI was still in bed I read Irina's letter. She sent it in spring and I always carry it in me. OR She had sent it in spring and I always carried in me.
It seems that she didn't write at once, she was forced to interrupt it. And perhaps, she didn't want to hurry through, she thought over it longer. And not only because of the importance of what she had wanted to tell me rather that it was pleasure for her to talk to me longer.

BGstudent: Except the first sentence I am not sure which tense is better to use- Present Simple or Past Perfect?

The base tense in this piece is the past tense. One should stick to that except for events that occurred prior to the base time. Those events should be in the past perfect tense.

(On) the next morning, while I was still in bed, I read Irina's letter. She had sent it in the spring and I always carried it inside me. It seemed that she didn't write it all at once; the writing style suggested several interruptions. Perhaps, she had not wanted to hurry through it and had wanted to think about it longer -- not only because of the importance of what she had wanted to tell me[color=red[color=red]], but also [/color] because the longer connection to me had brought her pleasure[/color].

Again, I apologize for the extensive revision. :wink: