During her pregnancy, Eva incurred

[Bassim]

I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

During her pregnancy, Eva incurred more than 30000 pounds debt on her credit card, on which she now pays 18.5 % rent. She looks at the expensive bags, jewellery, watches, clothes and shoes spread around her room and shivers, thinking about how much all this will cost her in the end.

 

[tedmc]

During her pregnancy, Eva incurred more than 30000 pounds in debt on her credit card, on which she now pays 18.5 % [STRIKE]rent[/STRIKE] interest (per annum?). She looks at the expensive bags, jewellery, watches, clothes and shoes spread around her room and shivers(or shudders) (no comma) thinking about how much all [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] these will cost her in the end.

 

[Rover_KE]

[STRIKE]30000 pounds[/STRIKE] £30,000