Edit grammar

[bmo]

Dear Teachers,

I am trying to translate something. Would you please take a look at the following and thanks. (Should I have a colon or period here?)

1. The National Chung-Hsing University Northern California Alumni Association held its steering committee meeting recently, and unanimously approved a 2004 Spring Festival dance-banquet following its successful university anniversary picnic last November. This large-scale indoor party will be held at Si-Shan-Hon Restaurant in World Culture Plaza in Cupertino on February 21.

2. In addition to a sumptuous, buffet style, dinner, the program of this first ever dance party includes drawings of beautiful gifts, Karaoki and dance. We welcome all alumni and their dancing partners to come to celebrate together the arrival of new spring.

3. Each alumnus will receive a copy of beautiful university publication “Chung-Hsing University Alumni,” courtesy of our alma mater, and the newest year 2004 alumni roster. Please register immediately with the following steering committee members:

BMO

 

[RonBee]

1. The National Chung-Hsing University Northern California Alumni Association held its steering committee meeting recently, and unanimously approved a 2004 Spring Festival dance-banquet following its successful university anniversary picnic last November. This large-scale indoor party will be held at Si-Shan-Hon Restaurant in World Culture Plaza in Cupertino on February 21.

You don't need the comma in the first sentence. (One subject, two verbs.)

2. In addition to a sumptuous, buffet style, dinner, the program of this first ever dance party includes drawings of beautiful gifts, Karaoki and dance. We welcome all alumni and their dancing partners to come to celebrate together the arrival of new spring.

Delete the comma between style and dinner.

3. Each alumnus will receive a copy of beautiful university publication “Chung-Hsing University Alumni,” courtesy of our alma mater, and the newest year 2004 alumni roster. Please register immediately with the following steering committee members:

Try our before beautiful university publication, and put a comma after publication.

 

[bmo]

Gee, thanks. It looks much better. Happy New year.

BMO

 

[RonBee]

Gee, thanks. It looks much better. Happy New year.

BMO

You're welcome. You're not doing badly.