Environment: the duty of the government or individuals?

[mickey]

I have the intention of taking the IELTS test but I' m not confident in my writing skill.Here is a writing task and my essay.Plz tell me whether it is good or not( i.e I'd love to hear ur comments;-)

Topic: The environment is one of the most important issues in the world today, but governments are not doing enough about it.
Do you agree? To what extent do you think that individuals can help to protect the environment?

TASK​

The environmental pollution and damages are a burning and painful issue in our era. Many organizations have been founded to try and alleviate the situation. The governments, along with the press, have carried out numerous campaigns to educate the public and appeal for more help. Nevertheless, from my viewpoint, this is not enough. There is still room for improvement on the condition that every individual plays a more active role.
For one thing, it should be borne in mind that the haunting ghost of pollution
is traced to both industrial and household activities. Take, for instance, the case of marine damages which is in a large degree due to chemicals without any handling treatment from factories. But household wastes from families and the habit of scattering litter directly into the sea and rivers also contribute to the problem. So would it not be better if every family tried to get rid of the practice of this sort? Would it not be more sensible if garbage were put in a bin and collected for recycling?
For another, individuals can, in the role of a customer, influence the manufacturers for more friendly-environmental products. For example, they boycott those with plastic wrapping,use recycled papers instead of nylon to contain goods.Producers will definitely improve their process to satisfy this trend of consumption.
The next thing is about means of transportation.In this aspect, public transport is always advisable. A large number of commuters take a bus or a subway will help economize a large amount of fuel.
Last but not least,every individual can air their voice and express clearer attitude towards the environment issues. This is extremely vital if we want the governments to take stronger and more specific measures.

 

[David L.]

Environmental pollution and damage are a pressing and

painful : why painful? I don't readily understand this.


issue in our era. : note that, as a young person, this might seem a recent hot topic. Be aware that environmental issues have been around since about 1970's ! So perhaps '...damage continue to be a......into the 21st century.'



Many organizations have been founded to try to alleviate the situation. Governments, along with the press, have carried out numerous campaigns to educate the public and appeal for more awareness.

Nevertheless, from my viewpoint, this is not enough. There is still room for improvement on the condition that every individual plays a more active role.
Restructure as:
Nevertheless, I consider there is still a great deal that people can do to play a much more active role.


For one thing, it should be borne in mind that the haunting ghost

'ghost' - pollution is far to much a reality to use 'ghost' as an image.

WOULD SOMEONE ELSE LIKE TO CONTINUE?

of pollution is traced to both industrial and household activities. Take, for instance, the case of marine damages which is in a large degree due to chemicals without any handling treatment from factories. But household wastes from families and the habit of scattering litter directly into the sea and rivers also contribute to the problem. So would it not be better if every family tried to get rid of the practice of this sort? Would it not be more sensible if garbage were put in a bin and collected for recycling?
For another, individuals can, in the role of a customer, influence the manufacturers for more friendly-environmental products. For example, they boycott those with plastic wrapping,use recycled papers instead of nylon to contain goods.Producers will definitely improve their process to satisfy this trend of consumption.
The next thing is about means of transportation.In this aspect, public transport is always advisable. A large number of commuters take a bus or a subway will help economize a large amount of fuel.
Last but not least,every individual can air their voice and express clearer attitude towards the environment issues. This is extremely vital if we want the governments to take stronger and more specific measures.