essay help

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Anonymous

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please help me correct the grammar in this essay.

In November 17, 2003, Le thi kiem oanh has been arrested along with six other gorverment officer, who abusing power to sign paper for her to loan the money. she has loan 5 millions dollars. She told the bank that she use that money to open her company. After a year, she defaulted the money she has been borrowed for bribery and her personal expenses. If find guilty, she have to face twelve years in prison.
 

RonBee

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Anonymous said:
please help me correct the grammar in this essay.

In November 17, 2003, Le thi kiem oanh has been arrested along with six other gorverment officer, who abusing power to sign paper for her to loan the money. she has loan 5 millions dollars. She told the bank that she use that money to open her company. After a year, she defaulted the money she has been borrowed for bribery and her personal expenses. If find guilty, she have to face twelve years in prison.

Some of that is a little confusing. For the first sentence, try:
  • On November 17, 2003, Le thi Kiem Oanh was arrested along with six government officers, who are accused of corruption.

For the second sentence, try:
  • Those government officers are accused of abusing their power by signing papers for fraudulent loans that totaled five million dollars.

For the rest, try:
  • She had told the bank that she was going to use the money to start her company. After a year, she defaulted on the loan. She is accused of using the money for bribes and personal expenses. If found guilty, she will face twelve years in prison.

What do you think?

:)
 
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