Evicted from his flat

Bassim

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Are my sentences grammatically correct?

Evicted from his flat, John walked aimlessly along the street, carrying two carrier bags with his belongings. The sweat prickled his body and he was thirsty, but he walked on nevertheless, as towards some imaginary goal which would be his salvation.
 

GoesStation

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It sounds like he's carrying two bags along with his belongings. I bet you mean that they contain them.

Which sweat is the sentence about? Unless it's some previously-mentioned specific sweat, the article is inappropriate.

The final clause doesn't work at all, sorry! Give it another try.
 

Bassim

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I will repeat my sentences.

Evicted from his flat, John walked aimlessly along the street, carrying two carrier bags containing his belongings. Sweat prickled his body and he was thirsty while he trudged on, desperate to find shelter.
 

Tarheel

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Evicted from his flat, John walked aimlessly along the street, carrying two carrier bags containing his belongings. Sweat prickled his body and he was thirsty, but he trudged on, desperate to find shelter.

I think you need "but" there. Instead of looking for something to drink he was looking for shelter.
 

GoesStation

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And now that you've taken my suggestion to use containing,​ I have to say the sentence would be more natural with something like filled with all his belongings.
 

Tdol

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I like all his belongings more too.
 
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